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This I Love

This morning as I was waiting for my cup of coffee to brew, I began my morning quiet time with an “Attitude of Gratitude”. As I looked around our kitchen, I thought to my self “I really love that arrangement” or “That picture belongs right there” and then I became flooded with the memories of where those items originated or who had given them to me. Then I began to thank God for the provisions He has given me and the people He has placed in my life.

Then, I allowed my mind to broaden and think of many of the people He placed in my life over the years. While most were amazing, not all were easy or a pleasure. I might add, some of those individuals were exhausting…They would suck the life right out of me with their:

Low Self-esteem
Under Developed Communication Skills
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Inadequate Support System
Difficulty Coping

Oh Wait…I Just Described Myself!!!

Yep, I have personally experienced every one of those things listed above at some point in my life. Oh, and believe you me…about the time I think I have things under wraps a wave hits and I find myself gasping for air.

Let me ask you something, Do you think this comes as surprise to God? Absolutely not!!! and the wall decor in my kitchen serves as my daily reminder!

He knows me…He really knows ME!!! Jesus gets me, understands me, tolerates me, and most of all He celebrates me!!!

Do I break His heart? Yes, I do on a daily basis!

Do I ask for His forgiveness? Yes, I do on a daily basis!

Does He beat me over the head with shame and condemnation? Absolutely not! In fact the scripture that assures me of this is Romans 8:1

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus“

So, why does God place people in my path that remind me of my failures, deficits, past, lack of support, and my inability to cope or resolve my own problems?

To remind me:

I am Broken
I need to support and lift others up
I need to work to do better every day
I need to continue to work on my communication skills
I need to develop empathy

And sometimes…He is teaching me I need to set boundaries.

Whatever the reason…

Jesus Knows Me…This I Love!

Do You Have a Vision?

Jan30

This morning as I was scrolling through my Facebook feed I saw a quote that caught my eye. The quote caused me to think about all the questioning from others and the blatant “No’s” throughout my life. Then, all of the sudden it became abundantly clear…They didn’t under the vision God had given me!

Oh my goodness…I had no clue they just didn’t understand!!! They did not understand the vision God had given me!!!

Uh Oh…All of the sudden I felt like a failure. I felt like I had not done a good enough job of communicating the vision to people. Then, clarity came! It is my vision. It was a vision God had given to me not them so why would I ever expect them to understand.

I’ve had several experiences where my vision was not understood…

I Am To Sing
- My first memory of this was when I was about 10yrs old. We were driving into town (about a 10 mile drive) and we were all singing along to a song on the radio when my dad turned around and said, “Lee, stop singing, you’re off key!”. I was devastated and so embarrassed. Needless to say, I never sang in front of my dad again; that is until my Junior year in high school. It was in my junior year of high school that I was chosen to play the part of Widow Carney in the musical Oliver. My dad came to see the production. After the show my dad came up to me and said, “Wow…I didn’t know you could sing!”. Of course he didn’t…He didn’t understand the vision God had given me. Not only could I sing but I received Best Supporting Actress for that role.
- Next, during my freshman year I didn’t make the Accapella choir. The choir director placed me in the 2nd choir. Once again, I was so frustrated. I knew I could sing…God said so! During Christmas break my sophomore year I moved to Angleton and under the leadership of Butch Broom, I began to flourish! He believed in me and supported my vision. I made Area Choir, received 1’s on my solos and ensembles. I was placed in a madrigal and was chosen to play the part of Widow Carney in Oliver. I’ll never forget the day I made area choir, the choir director that overlooked me came up to me and said, “Wow Kimbrough…I didn’t know you had it in you!”. Of course he didn’t…He didn’t understand the vision God had given me.
I Am To Be Richard Smith’s Wife: Let’s just say, at age 17 I didn’t receive a lot of support when I announced I was going to get married. The lack of support was not because of Richard but because of my age. Everyone felt I was too young for marriage and my classmates watched me like a hawk because they thought I was pregnant and had to get married…Nope, I was in love and had to marry that boy!!! He was my soulmate! 45 years later, we are still happily married and many of the nay sayers have said, “Wow, I didn’t think y’all would make it!” Of course they didn’t…They didn’t understand the vision God had given me.
I Am To Be A Nurse: While I didn’t have anyone doubt that I could be a nurse, I did have many who doubted the type of nurse I would become.
- ICU Nurse: That was my dream job. I graduated from Nursing School knowing I wanted to be an ICU Nurse but was placed on the Medical Surgical unit instead because the nurse educator felt she knew me better than I knew myself. It wasn’t until my manager on the Med Surg unit, Carla Deggs, saw my potential and began to mentor me. She believed in me and before you know it, she helped me secure a spot in ICU. It was magical…The team was magical..I absolutely loved it. Later the nurse educator told me she didn’t think I could handle ICU. Of course she didn’t…she didn’t understand the vision God had given me.
- PACU Nurse: The hospital went though some “restructuring” and required all nurses to reapply for their jobs. We had to list our 3 picks. Did I get my 1st pick? Nope, would you believe, I was assigned to be the Charge Nurse in PACU. Hmmm…I sure didn’t see that one coming! God Did Though!!!
  - 1st: ICU
  - 2nd: PACU
  - 3rd: Med Surg
- Informatics Nurse: I was asked to join a team that would be building the electronic documentation system for the Emergency Room. We went off for training and during the training I was appointed to take the lead on the project. Richard asked me, “Baby do they know you have no training or knowledge of computers? Heck, you don’t even know how to turn one off!”. I told him, “no but I want to do this”. Several months later Richard said, “I wish I could access the information on my computer from my laptop” I asked, “Why don’t you remote in? He replied, “I don’t know how”…Who knew, I would be teaching my husband about the computer? God Did!
- Director of Revenue Management: I was approached by the CEO at the hospital and he asked me to consider taking a job as the Director of Revenue Management where I would be tasked to go after the 5-6% of revenue left on the table. I went home and told Richard about it. He responded, “Baby do they know you’ve not managed finances or ever balanced a checkbook?” I told him, “no, but I want to do this”. With the help of my team we gleaned 5 million dollars over 5 years for that little 65 bed hospital. God Knew!!!
- Director of Nursing: After 5 years in the Revenue Management Department, I went to the CEO and told him I wanted to go back into patient care. He replied, “I can’t let you do that. You bring too much money to the hospital.” I told him it wasn’t a desire…It was a calling. That day, I went home and there was a flyer in our mailbox seeking a Director of Nurses for a Skilled and Long Term Care Facility. I applied and was offered the position. Several of my co-workers at the hospital questioned my decision. I told them, it was what I wanted and believed I was being called to do. 15 years later, I stepped down from a DON position to care for my mom full time. Later my old co-worker told me she didn’t think I would make it as a DON. Of course she didn’t…she didn’t understand the vision God had given me.
I Am To Paint: My daughter introduced me to the world of chalk paint and I was hooked. I knew in my spirit…This is what I am suppose to do! While talking with one of my administrators he asked me, “what have you been doing?” I told him I was painting furniture. I was turning old furniture into works of art. He laughed at me and said, “I’m sure it doesn’t pay as much as being a DON.” When I told him no but it was what I loved he laughed even harder. Did he respect what I was doing? Of course he didn’t…He didn’t understand the vision God had given me.
I Am To Be My Mother’s Care Giver: In April 2022 my little 81yr old mother fell and broke her hip. She had surgery followed by postoperative complications. I made the decision to step down from my position as Director of Nurses to care for my mom. Several people told me, “You don’t want to do that…It is a huge commitment.” Of course they would say that…They didn’t understand the vision God had given me.

And, you are thinking…All that from a Facebook post???

Yes, all that to ask, has God Given You A Vision?

Don’t let the doubters and nay sayers keep you from fulfilling that God given Vision!

You’ve Got This and He’s Got You!!!

I Found My Word For the Year

Dec31

That’s right…I found my word for the year after being challenged by my dear friend Andrea Stunz who is a contributing author on Kirk Cameron’s website thecourage.com. I absolutely Love… Love…Love what she wrote in “The one word I need for the new year”. After reading her story, I could not think of anything else…What was my word? I thought of a thousand words but none were perfect for me. Then all of the sudden it came while I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes. Of course, my word for 2018 is the most perfect word EVER!!!

HOPE

What is hope? What does hope really mean? I thought I knew but wanted to be sure. OMGosh, my heart skipped a beat as I read about hope and I absolutely loved the definitions.

Noun: a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

Synonyms: Aspiration, Desire, Wish, Expectation, Ambition, Aim, Goal, Plan

Verb: to want something to happen or be the case.

Synonyms: Expect, Anticipate, Look for, Be hopeful of

Now when I was young I was taught the polar opposite definitions of hope. I was told:

“Don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed it doesn’t happen”
“Don’t get your hopes up”
“That will never happen”
“We’ll see”
“No”

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As an adult those phrases were pushed to the back of my mind until August of 2016 when my life completely unraveled. I had allowed myself to dream but only to have every thing come crashing down around me. The words I heard growing up became a self-fulfilling prophecy and my life was engulfed with loss and disappointment.

For some, hoping is easy but for me it is a huge risk. Taking the risk to hope again could result in more loss and disappointment. However, I’ve decided…Nothing ventured…Nothing Gained.

There is so much anticipation in the word HOPE. It’s kinda like getting to go on vacation. All you can think about is where your going and what you plan to do when you get there. You expect to have a good time…YOU HAVE HOPE!!!

My favorite scripture contains HOPE!!!

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

My Word for 2018 is HOPE

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Time to Tell My Story

Jun9

Tonight as I lay here on the couch with chills and fever I felt impressed to share my story. A story known by only a few people but, today I realized is the day to finally share with everyone.

On July 4 of 1997 a storm blew through Brazoria Texas with high winds blowing down several large limbs in our yard. Of course, anyone who knows me, knows that I could not leave those limbs laying in the yard. So I got out and began picking up the limbs until the yard was completely cleared. Later that evening as I was getting ready for bed I noticed a large red raised area on my abdomen. So I thought I had been bitten by a mosquito. However the swollen area was much larger than a mosquito bite.

Fast forward to August Richard was asked to sing in a wedding in Rockport Texas. So we got a room and decided to make it a weekend get away for us. When he finished at the rehearsal We decided to go see a movie but it was too early yet. So, we went back to the room to lay down for a quick nap. It was 12 hours later that I finally woke up. Poor guy, he just thought it was exhausted and decided to allow me to sleep. The hotel that we stayed at had a really nice restaurant next to it and was within walking distance. So I got up, got dressed, and off we went to breakfast. By the time we were seated I was so exhausted I can hardly sit up straight. In fact, Richard went and got the car to pick me up at the front door of the restaurant because I was too exhausted to walk.

When we returned home I made an appointment with my primary care physician. I described for him all of the symptoms that I was experiencing aches, pains, fever, chills, and extreme exhaustion. After a brief visit I was in shock! My diagnosis was Depression…Really??? I had absolutely nothing to be depressed about! You see Richard had surrendered to full-time ministry, I would be doing agency nursing, and we were going to downsize our lifestyle and move on the seminary campus. we were elated…We were moving to the land of milk and honey!!! So how could I possibly be depressed?

A couple of weeks later I decided to go to my Gynecologist for second opinion thinking that possibly my hormones were out of whack. Unbelievable… she gave me the same diagnosis!!! DEPRESSION….

Did these physicians not realize I was not DEPRESSED! I was SICK!!!

Approximately a week later a physician was making rounds in ICU at Brazosport Memorial Hospital. He happened to catch me with a thermometer sticking out of my mouth. He asked “are you running fever”? I answered, “Yes but nobody believes me”. He said, “what is your temperature?”. I replied, “98.6”. He said, “what is your normal temperature?” I replied 97. He then responded with, “depressed people don’t run a fever come see me in my office”. He reached over and picked up the phone, dialed his office, and told his staff to work me onto the books so he could see me as soon as possible.

Within a couple of days I was seen by the doctor. He spent a lot of time with me asking questions and ordering test. As I was walking out the door, he said just for grins let’s run this one. It was a Lyme’s titer and he was checking for Lyme’s Disease…

Every day of my life, I thank God for a physician who would listen to me!!! I now knew what had caused all my symptoms…It was Lyme’s Disease and you see if the disease had gone undetected I could’ve easily died or worse been a vegetable… In fact, I already thought I was!!!

Immediately he referred me to an infectious disease doctor in Conroe, Texas. They inserted a peripherally inserted central line (PICC) into my arm for long-term antibiotic therapy. The antibiotics were to be to be administered every eight hours for eight weeks. So without fail I did not miss a dose! I wanted to get better!!!

My coworkers in ICU were absolute angels. In fact, they literally carried me through my shifts. They were right there next to me helping me by double checking my medication calculations and ensuring I was giving safe care to the patients because by now I was experiencing some cognitive deficits and brain fog.

It was at week six of my treatment everything began to go south quickly. I started developing grape size nodules all over my skull and body along with flu like symptoms and fever. I contacted my doctor and he told me just to keep taking the medication it probably was just the flu. If it wasn’t better by Monday make an appointment and come into his office and he would see me. By Monday I was even worse. In route to his office it was time for me to receive my antibiotic so I administered my infusion while driving to his office in Conroe. When I walk through the door he said “Oh my Gosh, you are allergic to the antibiotics. You must stop them right away.” So I did and immediately began to feel better he told me, “consider yourself healed”.

So I did just that. I went back to work full blast, I was in the process of organizing Ladies Night at First Baptist Church Brazoria, and packing my house getting ready to move to Fort Worth. I still had an occasional ache and pain, bouts of exhaustion, and even bouts of Brain fog but the doctor told me I could expect some of this so I didn’t wig out… That is until I couldn’t make a complete sentence and I was unable to retrieve words easily. Verbal communication became more and more difficult for me so, I decided to go and see the physician who diagnosed me with the limes disease.

I explained I had some bouts of muscle aches and pains, exhaustion and difficulty finding words in my vocabulary. Although I knew the words were there I couldn’t make them come out of my mouth!!! His Diagnoses were:

Then he proceeds to tell me “there is no cure”. I was shocked to discover I would have to live with this for the rest of my life!!!

To this day, I still struggle with fatigue, aches and pains, and the inability to get the word(s) that I want to say out of my mouth. So:

When I am tired…I rest
When I hurt…I meditate
When I can’t get the words out…I type which is cognitive paired with tactile.

While many people never knew this about me…primarily because I refuse to be labeled…I thought it might help my family and friends understand:

Why talking on the phone is difficult at times because I can’t get the right words out and just say what does come which may not even be relevant. So, I just don’t answer the phone.
Why I spend so much time on social media such as Facebook…it is so much easier to communicate in written word.
Why I don’t often accept lunch invitations…they often require more energy than I have to offer
Why I try to separate myself from negative people…they just suck the life out of me.
Why capturing memories in pictures is so important to me… A picture is worth 1000 words!!!

Because of my past experiences with antibiotics I am hesitant to take them. This weekend, I have fever, chills, congestion and a kidney infection and realize, my homeopathic approach is not working so I will be making an appointment with my physician tomorrow…I guess this weekend has reminded me of how I felt when I had Lyme’s.

I do not wear these challenges like a badge to draw attention to myself. In-fact, I would not be sharing now except…I have several friends battling illness and I want them to know they are not alone. When I see their posts written in despair, I pray for them but do not engage in conversation with them about their illness as ultimately it causes my focus to turn from health and the healing wings of my Heavenly Father to disease, illness and destruction. I also felt it was time to provide insight for friends and family so they could better understand why I am like I am.

I am favored & highly blessed & it is a privilege to call each of you my family, my friends, and my sisters and brothers in Christ. God has been so incredibly good to me!!!

I Will Sing of His Love Forever…

Love Lee ♥

Tag You’re It

Jan31

As a little girl, I never enjoyed playing tag…Everyone was always just a little faster than I was. I would run with all my might and finally would have to stop because I could no longer breathe. On occasion I would do a quick one…two… reach out quickly and tag the opponent. When this happened, I remember feeling happy for me and really happy for them!!!

Recently at work we began recognizing each other for “Random Acts Of Kindness” (RAOK). Each time someone is caught performing a RAOK an email goes out to everyone in the hospital. The email announces who was caught performing the RAOK and then they are encouraged to pay it forward. At first, there were a couple emails that would come across every now and then from administration or a director but before you knew it the emails were coming more frequently and from employees who worked in all areas of the hospital. And…even the night shift was on board!!!

Like wildfire it began to spread and while I am sitting at my desk totally engrossed in a report email notifications come across my desk and they read like this…

“_____ was caught performing a Random Act Of Kindness! Thanks for Making a Difference!!! Now Pay it Forward…

So throughout the day it is not unusual for several of these emails hit my inbox and each time I can’t help but smile. How cool is this… a virtual game of tag!!!

This morning as I was thinking of one of the notifications, I couldn’t help but wonder…

What would happen if everyone began to take the time to recognize people for what they do?

Increased productivity
Increased self-esteem
Increased sense of accomplishment
Improved dispositions

The list could go on and on…

Wow, then with the above changes can you imagine the possibilities for personal, professional, and Spiritual growth and what could be birthed from that growth??? With little effort, this could go global and impact the world!!! A little encouragement and recognition goes a long way!!!

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1Thessalonians :11

Tag You’re It!!!

Love Lee ♥

The Stuff in The Middle

Jan30

During a conversations with a friend yesterday at work, he said something profound which shook me to my core. “If God showed us The Stuff In the Middle would we take our first step toward the vision He has given us?”

Where [there is] no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law , happy [is] he. Proverbs 29:18

God places a vision, goal, idea, a desire in our hearts. We can see the end results. We may not know how we will achieve the concept but a true believer trusts God and steps out in faith…

But, would we take that first step if we could see all we were going to have to go through to achieve that which God has birthed within us? Probably not!!!

So to ensure we complete that which He has compelled us to do, He gives us a glimmer of the end results and hides from us…

The Stuff In The Middle

Love Lee ♥

You Are Gifted

Jan20

I am sure you have heard of classes for the “Gifted and Talented”. Hmmm, so if you were not placed in one of these classes as a child does that mean you were not gifted? And, if you are not considered “Gifted and Talented” you may wonder…”Why am I Here” or “What is my Purpose in Life”?

While I was placed in accelerated classes in school and I have a very creative mind… I have found myself asking those very questions. However, it is when I lose site of the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made I find myself asking those questions. You see when God formed me in our Mother’s womb He didn’t just give me my physical and emotional characteristics. Nope…He also gifted me with our Spiritual Gifts.

Frequently I have to remind myself 2 things about Spiritual Gifts…

I have Spiritual gifts
So does everyone else

Yep, that’s right, I am not the only one and not everyone is blessed with the same Spiritual Gift. While my strongest Spiritual Gifts are Leadership and Teaching, my weakest came in at Mercy. This does not mean I do not have the capacity to show Mercy but it is not my greatest strength. I now know why I stink at showing empathy but instead want to teach lead or teach someone on what they could do to cope with or fix their issues.

Learning this about myself has been so liberating!!! I no longer have to measure up to other’s expectations.

The only measure for my life is God’s measure!!! I don’t have to:

Do things according to other’s expectations
Have to a certain amt of money
Agree with or be friends with certain people
Live in a certain neighborhood
Have a certain job
________(fill in the blank with what others expect or try intimidate you with)

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit (1 Corinthians 12:4).

So, the next time you feel like you must measure up, remember…

You Are Gifted!!!

To discover your Spiritual Gifts: Spiritual Gifts, Test, Inventory Online Survey/Questionnaire

Love Lee ♥

The House is On Fire

Aug9

What an awesome lesson my daughter presented to “The Fall Out” (a group of 5th, 6th, and 7th graders) last night. Below is the summary of the lesson written by my daughter Brandi Booth…

Great Bible study and fellowship time tonight! Tonight we talked about Trust & Obey! “The House is on Fire” activity went something like this:
There were four different rooms in our house that had an adult in each waiting for the kids to come and try to round them up. The adults were instructed that no matter what…they were to ask questions only…and refuse to be lured out of the house.
The Fall Out was told that they had 2 minutes to get everyone out of the house, before it “burned down.” The only rules for them were (1) they couldn’t tell the adults that the house was on fire! (2) they were not allowed to use force!
After the two minutes, and a million scams, bribes, and attempts to get the adults to evacuate…the house “burned down” with everyone in it!

Sometimes God wants us to “move” and we may not always know why…but ultimately if we stay in one spot and refuse to budge and only ask questions…eventually the house will burn down. We have to TRUST God! He sees the big picture…actually, He’s the Artist! He knows the right timing for everything! As hard as it may seem, even when we don’t understand something (or like it!)…we should OBEY God. Just like The Fall Out demonstrated tonight…God will do everything He can to get you to move…but, ultimately obedience is up to us and if we wait to long…we may be ignoring His protection…or miss out on a blessing!

Whenever we submit to His will and plan, it brings glory and honor to His Name through us! That is a powerful witness and testimony! Are you limiting yourself to what God has planned for you by your refusal to move or are you delaying His blessings by asking questions? Your next question could be the last chance you get to obey! Trust in Him and obey His calling for your life.

Is Your House On Fire?

Love Lee ♥

A Trip To The Pig Pen

Sep23

I love the story of the prodigal son. Here is a young man who has it all…a home, wealth, food, and his father’s love. He becomes discontent and restless so he goes to his father and asks for his inheritance early. The father grants his son’s wishes and the son takes the money and runs.

The little party animal goes out and squanders away all the money his father gave him. With no money he is forced to go to work for a pig farmer. While working for the pig farmer he doesn’t even make enough money to buy food. He is forced to eat the same food the pigs eat.

After living in this state for a while he decides to go back home. He felt certain being a servant for his father would be better than working for the pig farmer. So he heads home…

As he approaches his father’s place, his dad sees him and runs out to greet him. His dad embraces him and welcomes him home. Not as a servant but as a son.

This young man like many of us, we don’t recognize what we have and are never satisfied so we go out and experiment to find those things and people who bring us “happiness”. Sometimes it just takes a…

A Trip To The Pig Pen

For us to change our mindset and recognize how truly blessed we are!!!

PS: For you parents who have kids in the “Pig Pen” you hold on to the promises of God…They will return home!!!

Love Lee ♥

Embrace Change

Sep22

So, you turn on your computer to find your Facebook Newsfeed has changed…How are you dealing with that?

While change is welcomed by some it amazes me how others respond. I have noticed some with anger, others with frustration, and many with bewilderment. If change is not welcome in our electronic social networking, how are we coping with major changes that occur in life?

Change is hard. Change is especially hard when it is dictated and we have no say. Changes which we might have no control could be related to:

Death
Relationships
Job
Aging
Finances

For the little things, such as Facebook, rearrangement of furniture, or a new color change on a wall…We should probably rethink our reactions and save the intense emotions for the “Big” things.

If you are having trouble dealing with change, I would like to recommend the book that “Changed” my perspective on change…