Tag Archive | grace

Time to Tell My Story

Tonight as I lay here on the couch with chills and fever I felt impressed to share my story. A story known by only a few people but, today I realized is the day to finally share with everyone.

On July 4 of 1997 a storm blew through Brazoria Texas with high winds blowing down several large limbs in our yard. Of course, anyone who knows me, knows that I could not leave those limbs laying in the yard. So I got out and began picking up the limbs until the yard was completely cleared. Later that evening as I was getting ready for bed I noticed a large red raised area on my abdomen. So I thought I had been bitten by a mosquito. However the swollen area was much larger than a mosquito bite.

Fast forward to August Richard was asked to sing in a wedding in Rockport Texas. So we got a room and decided to make it a weekend get away for us. When he finished at the rehearsal We decided to go see a movie but it was too early yet. So, we went back to the room to lay down for a quick nap. It was 12 hours later that I finally woke up. Poor guy, he just thought it was exhausted and decided to allow me to sleep. The hotel that we stayed at had a really nice restaurant next to it and was within walking distance. So I got up, got dressed, and off we went to breakfast. By the time we were seated I was so exhausted I can hardly sit up straight. In fact, Richard went and got the car to pick me up at the front door of the restaurant because I was too exhausted to walk.

When we returned home I made an appointment with my primary care physician. I described for him all of the symptoms that I was experiencing aches, pains, fever, chills, and extreme exhaustion. After a brief visit I was in shock! My diagnosis was Depression…Really??? I had absolutely nothing to be depressed about! You see Richard had surrendered to full-time ministry, I would be doing agency nursing, and we were going to downsize our lifestyle and move on the seminary campus. we were elated…We were moving to the land of milk and honey!!! So how could I possibly be depressed?

A couple of weeks later I decided to go to my Gynecologist for second opinion thinking that possibly my hormones were out of whack. Unbelievable… she gave me the same diagnosis!!! DEPRESSION….

Did these physicians not realize I was not DEPRESSED! I was SICK!!!

Approximately a week later a physician was making rounds in ICU at Brazosport Memorial Hospital. He happened to catch me with a thermometer sticking out of my mouth. He asked “are you running fever”? I answered, “Yes but nobody believes me”. He said, “what is your temperature?”. I replied, “98.6”. He said, “what is your normal temperature?” I replied 97. He then responded with, “depressed people don’t run a fever come see me in my office”. He reached over and picked up the phone, dialed his office, and told his staff to work me onto the books so he could see me as soon as possible.

Within a couple of days I was seen by the doctor. He spent a lot of time with me asking questions and ordering test. As I was walking out the door, he said just for grins let’s run this one. It was a Lyme’s titer and he was checking for Lyme’s Disease…

Every day of my life, I thank God for a physician who would listen to me!!! I now knew what had caused all my symptoms…It was Lyme’s Disease and you see if the disease had gone undetected I could’ve easily died or worse been a vegetable… In fact, I already thought I was!!!

Immediately he referred me to an infectious disease doctor in Conroe, Texas. They inserted a peripherally inserted central line (PICC) into my arm for long-term antibiotic therapy. The antibiotics were to be to be administered every eight hours for eight weeks. So without fail I did not miss a dose! I wanted to get better!!!

My coworkers in ICU were absolute angels. In fact, they literally carried me through my shifts. They were right there next to me helping me by double checking my medication calculations and ensuring I was giving safe care to the patients because by now I was experiencing some cognitive deficits and brain fog.

It was at week six of my treatment everything began to go south quickly. I started developing grape size nodules all over my skull and body along with flu like symptoms and fever. I contacted my doctor and he told me just to keep taking the medication it probably was just the flu. If it wasn’t better by Monday make an appointment and come into his office and he would see me. By Monday I was even worse. In route to his office it was time for me to receive my antibiotic so I administered my infusion while driving to his office in Conroe. When I walk through the door he said “Oh my Gosh, you are allergic to the antibiotics. You must stop them right away.” So I did and immediately began to feel better he told me, “consider yourself healed”.

So I did just that. I went back to work full blast, I was in the process of organizing Ladies Night at First Baptist Church Brazoria, and packing my house getting ready to move to Fort Worth. I still had an occasional ache and pain, bouts of exhaustion, and even bouts of Brain fog but the doctor told me I could expect some of this so I didn’t wig out… That is until I couldn’t make a complete sentence and I was unable to retrieve words easily. Verbal communication became more and more difficult for me so, I decided to go and see the physician who diagnosed me with the limes disease.

I explained I had some bouts of muscle aches and pains, exhaustion and difficulty finding words in my vocabulary. Although I knew the words were there I couldn’t make them come out of my mouth!!! His Diagnoses were:

Then he proceeds to tell me “there is no cure”. I was shocked to discover I would have to live with this for the rest of my life!!!

To this day, I still struggle with fatigue, aches and pains, and the inability to get the word(s) that I want to say out of my mouth. So:

  •  When I am tired…I rest
  • When I hurt…I meditate
  • When I can’t get the words out…I type which is cognitive paired with tactile.

While many people never knew this about me…primarily because I refuse to be labeled…I thought it might help my family and friends understand:

  • Why talking on the phone is difficult at times because I can’t get the right words out and just say what does come which may not even be relevant. So, I just don’t answer the phone.
  • Why I spend so much time on social media such as Facebook…it is so much easier to communicate in written word.
  • Why I don’t often accept lunch invitations…they often require more energy than I have to offer
  • Why I try to separate myself from negative people…they just suck the life out of me.
  •  Why capturing memories in pictures is so important to me… A picture is worth 1000 words!!!

Because of my past experiences with antibiotics I am hesitant to take them. This weekend, I have fever, chills, congestion and a kidney infection and realize, my homeopathic approach is not working so I will be making an appointment with my physician tomorrow…I guess this weekend has reminded me of how I felt when I had Lyme’s.

I do not wear these challenges like a badge to draw attention to myself. In-fact, I would not be sharing now except…I have several friends battling illness and I want them to know they are not alone. When I see their posts written in despair, I pray for them but do not engage in conversation with them about their illness as ultimately it causes my focus to turn from health and the healing wings of my Heavenly Father to disease, illness and destruction.  I also felt it was time to provide insight for friends and family so they could better understand why I am like I am.

I am favored & highly blessed & it is a privilege to call each of you my family, my friends, and my sisters and brothers in Christ. God has been so incredibly good to me!!!

I Will Sing of His Love Forever…

Love Lee ♥

945043_4144327506516_1646043404_n

Everything Happens For A Reason

We knew this day was coming. It had been thought out and planned meticulously. We were going to get up, get dressed, drive to Austin for a scheduled appointment. Everything went according to plan except…who new everything would change!!!

As we made our way across Austin we are caught in a traffic jam. Concerned we would not make it on time, we called ahead so the physician’s office would know we might be delayed. Never in a million years would we have expected to hear, ” The physician has been called away for an emergency. We are going to have to reschedule your appointment.”

Wow…just like that our plans changed! But, I truly believe everything happens for a reason… Who knows…it may have been God’s protection from:
* A distracted physician
* A malfunctioning piece of equipment
* An unexpected complication

So, the next time things don’t go as planned, just know…

Everything Happens For A Reason!!!

Love Lee ♥

A Love Lee Place

A Trip To The Pig Pen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love the story of the prodigal son. Here is a young man who has it all…a home, wealth, food, and his father’s love.  He becomes discontent and restless so he goes to his father and asks for his inheritance early. The father grants his son’s wishes and the son takes the money and runs.

The little party animal goes out and squanders away all the money his father gave him. With no money he is forced to go to work for a pig farmer. While working for the pig farmer he doesn’t even make enough money to buy food. He is forced to eat the same food the pigs eat.

After living in this state for a while he decides to go back home. He felt certain being a servant for his father would be better than working for the pig farmer. So he heads home…

As he approaches his father’s place, his dad sees him and runs out to greet him. His dad embraces him and welcomes him home. Not as a servant but as a son.

 This young man like many of us, we don’t recognize what we have and are never satisfied so we go out and experiment to find those things and people who bring us “happiness”.  Sometimes it just takes a…

A Trip To The Pig Pen

For us to change our mindset and recognize how truly blessed we are!!!

PS: For you parents who have kids in the “Pig Pen” you hold on to the promises of God…They will return home!!!

Love Lee ♥

What A Mess

Recently we put our home on the market so we could pursue our lifelong dream of building a house. Whoop Whoop….

Who knew selling a house could be so much work? How on earth did all this stuff get into my closets? Where did all this dust come from? These are the questions that kept going through my mind as I was getting the house ready to put on the market.

All the time I was cleaning I kept saying…

What A Mess!

Then it dawned on me, our lives become much the same. Before we even realize it our lives become cluttered with negative thoughts and emotions, stress, illness, unhealthy habits, white lies…Hmmm wait, let’s just call it what it is…SIN

As with keeping up a house so to avoid clutter, dust, and depreciation, we must perform routine maintenance on our lives. And, just as there are times we are forced to ask for help around the house,we must call on the name of Jesus; an ever-present help in time of need for a Spiritual cleaning.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

Confessing our sins is our Spiritual house cleaning…What is it that is cluttering up your Spiritual Life? It’s time to clean it up so we no longer have to say…

What A Mess

Love Lee ♥

 

There Is A Way Out

Are you feeling trapped by circumstances beyond your control? Perhaps you can’t make your bills, the kids are out of control, or you are forced to deal with difficult people.

There is a way out!!!

The trap in which we are held prisoner is our mindset. We allow our perceptions to set our limits…Often times we perceive the situation to be worse than it is because we cannot recognize it for what it is.

The Way Out is to Change Your Mindset

Rather than view everything as negative we can choose to view each and everything we endure as our Testimony. Our very own story of how God has been so good to us. Think about it…Would you be able to truly testify of God’s goodness if you never had those difficult challenges in life?

 I like to view the adversity as “Walking Out  My Testimony”.

  • I could not testify to God’s provision if I did not know financial ruin.
  • I could not testify to God’s healing hand if I did not almost died from Lyme’s Disease
  • I could not testify to God’s comfort if I did not loose a loved one 
  • I could not testify to God’s grace if I did not sin
  • I could not testify to God’s peace of mind if I did not have to trust Him with my children
  • I could not testify to God’s love if I had not felt what it was like to be unloved
  • I could not testify to God’s understanding if I have not been misunderstood
  • I could not testify to God’s companionship if I had not know what it was like to be alone and without a friend

You see every form of adversity is part of my testimony if I believe God is with me and believe…

There Is A Way Out…

 

He is my Way Out  no matter the circumstance!!!

Love Lee ♥

Getting Those Brownie Points

You know, for years I worked myself to near death trying to obtain ‘Brownie Points”. Whether it was to gain favor with another individual or God, to be accepted, to be noticed, or just because it was expected, I thought I had to “do” something. No let’s get real…I thought I had to do EVERYTHING!!!

 But then I realized…

Brownie Points Were Getting Me No Where!

God’s word says…
“not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit,” Titus 3:5
 
Wow How Liberating!!!
I realized, I didn’t have to work for it…I am accepted and have approval because He has shown me mercy!
 
Now, I perform for an audience of one. I am now able to ask myself. What would God want me to do and no longer worry about doing EVERYTHING to gain those…
 

Brownie Points

Love Lee ♥

Trusting His Heart

It has been a week…

We have been reminded life is fleeting and we are only promised the here and now. With Richard’s mother in ICU fighting for life, our grandson lost his half-brother in a car wreck today, and my loss of a beloved pet our hearts are hurting.

When life doesn’t make sense or seem fair and we feel all alone we have to learn to trust His heart…

This song is so incredibly perfect for where we are in our lives today…Listen closely to the words of this song. When everything in our world falls apart we have to…

Trust His Heart

Love Lee ♥

Tread Softly on My Dreams

I remember in our early years of marriage Richard and I would sit for hours and dream of the future. Believe it or not…We still do!!! I love sitting out on the swing while having coffee and listening to him as shares his thoughts and dreams.  Oh, and I so love the fact he is interested in mine!

When sharing my dreams with others, it is such a reality check to be reminded of my age… The buzz words are “at your age”…I am not quite ready to be an “old woman” and at times can be a  sensitive subject for me; I sooo miss my youth!!!

I love this quote by James Dean:”Dream as if you’ll live forever… live as if you’ll die today.” I have always adopted this mindset. We only get one chance in life remembering… Dreams can often become challenging, but challenges are what we live for. ~ Travis White

Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born. ~ Dale E. Turner.  So, as Justin Bieber would say…”If you don’t dream big, there’s no use of dreaming. If you don’t have faith, there’s nothing worth believing.”

Having a dream is all the more realistic when I dare to dream with the person I love the most in this world. It is even more special when we both have individual dreams but they are amplified because they complement each other and are intertwined. For me to have a dream and my husband’s dream is the act of creating what I dream for…That is God in His awesomeness further amplifying how we compliment or complete each other….A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality. ~John Lennon

Do you have a dream you are afraid to share with others? Don’t be!

Speak up…Share your dream and conclude with…

I have spread my dreams beneath your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. ~W.B. Yeats

Love Lee ♥

But…It’s Paid For

Do you ever feel like everything is falling apart?

I recently began to focus on all the repairs that were needed on my vehicle when a friend opened the passenger door on my car and a piece of trim fell off. Initially I was embarrassed and then before I knew it I was focused on every flaw. Then like a goober, I began to point out all the issues to my friend by saying, “Oh Girl, that’s nothing…the engine light is on, the cover on my ashtray falls off easily, the back window tint is lifting, and oh as if that were not enough I think I need to replace a tire.” Then after I pointed out all the flaws, I followed up with..

“But…It’s Paid For”

My friend said, “You know when I was younger all of that would have mattered; I wanted everything perfect. Isn’t it interesting how things don’t matter as much as we get older?”

Our dialogue reminded me of my life…I have aches, pains, sin, baggage, and on occasion “attitude”. All associated with negative connotations but one statement makes it all better…

“But…It’s Paid For”

I don’t have to wallow in emotional pain, self-pity or guilt of my sin because all my sin is covered by the blood of Jesus. The debt has been paid in full…It is up to me to remember this prior to allowing my mind to wonder to the negative side and instead focus on the positive. I, bought by the Blood of Jesus Christ am paid in full. And, that purchase comes with a guarantee of eternal life in heaven.  

Often it is the enemy’s ploy is to remind us of those areas in our lives that are lacking but we know it is up to us to say to the adversary…

“But…It’s Paid For”

Love Lee ♥

Amazed

God is so incredibly awesome and I will sing this song to Him all my days!!!
He has orchestrated my life so beautifully and I know…

He Has A Plan

 

 

Amazed

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound
Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
How You love me

How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me

How wide, O how wide Lord
How deep, O how deep Lord
How great, O how great
Is Your love for me

Lord I’m amazed, amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed, amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed, amazed by You
How You love me

 

Thank You Lord for Loving Me…

 

Love Lee ♥