Well, you know how people say, “my train of thought is”…Well, I don’t have a train of thought! I deal with a whole dang train station!!!
Thoughts coming and going, switching tracks, derailing, and even stalling. Oh, and believe you me, it’s a hot mess at times!!!
While getting dressed this morning, my thoughts were steered in the direction of my “short comings”.
Thoughts like:
I’m not enough…
I’m too much…
I can’t…
I should have…
Why me…
If I could just…
I smeared make-up into the crevices of my face. Then glued on eyelashes and drew on eye brows. I finally figure out where my cheek bones were and applied my blush. All while thoughts of my “short comings” kept racing through my mind.
When I finished applying my game face, I walked over to the bathroom window to look up the mountain side.
Even though it’s officially Spring here in Tennessee, the weather is very labile…Sunny one day then cold and windy the next. These poor plants are so confused!!! Once they start to trust that it is warm enough to release their foliage and blooms another cool front hits. Their tender foliage and blooms freeze and fall to the ground. Then, about the time they almost give up, here comes the sun and they try again.
When they finally emerge what a GLORIOUS sight!!!
God can teach us some pretty incredible lessons though nature. That is if we will just take time to observe our surroundings and listen to the Master’s voice.
Life has been challenging for me both physically and emotionally since July of last year. Today I observed the plants on the mountain thriving despite the adversity. And, I heard the Master’s voice whisper to me…”KEEP TRYING…Don’t give up…KEEP TRYING!!! I’ve Got You!!!”
Then, I heard…” You can do all things through Christ who strengthens You”. I have quoted Philippians 4:13 for most of my life but today…Today I internalized it because He spoke it over me!!!
I share my morning because I know I’m not the only one who struggles. Friend, when He says I can do all things through Christ, I know He will give you that same strength too!!!
As a young child my life was challenging. Home life was very tumultuous. As the oldest of four children, I felt I had to please my parents, fix everything and protect everyone. I now realize that was an impossible task but never the less, I took it on. I was very dedicated and loyal to what I thought was expected of me.
My reprieve from the chaos was school. In fact it became my safe place. I loved going to school because I loved to learn. Geography, English, and Reading were my favorite subjects. Geography because I loved coloring the maps. English challenged me to dissect sentences and communicate more effectively. Reading…Now, reading allowed me to visit and experience places in my mind. I knew I wouldn’t get to do these things in person.
While I loved all my teachers, one stood out above them all. Mrs. Billings, my 3rd grade teacher. She was kind and loving but firm. She genuinely cared about her students and made home visits to each and every one. The thing I respected most about her was her dedication to her love of God and Country. Each morning after the bell rang we would say “The Pledge of Allegiance”. Then Mrs. Billings would read us a Bible Story, and lead us in prayer. This occurred every single day without fail and I LOVED it!!! She instilled in her students a sense of pride and hope.
During that same time my grandparents on my dad’s side moved to Tennessee. I believe we visited them once during the summer. We played in the stream that ran down the mountain, took long walks, and fished. My time with them was glorious and the last time I saw them.
Now, who would have ever guessed I would be living in Tennessee! I little ironic don’t you think? Remember I mentioned we visited in the summer. Well, you can imagine my delight when we got to experience real snow. Not the slushy snow of Texas but light and fluffy snow.
But, what I didn’t realize was the snow that melts during the day turns to ice at night. This leaves a base of ice covered with snow on the roads. Typically that would not be problematic except we are from Texas. We are not used to driving in snow and ice. Oh and to add to that our driveway up the mountain is pretty steep. So, all that to say we hunker down at home. This leaves us with a lot of time to watch TV. We mostly watch the news or football as my Mom struggles to follow shows or movies.
Now, I’ve never been one to watch the news because they typically cover nothing but gloom and doom. It has been heart wrenching to watch the decline of our nation. That sense of pride and hope instilled in my by Mrs. Billings was quickly fading. In fact, I felt a sense of impending doom. Our nation was in chaos and it was as if nothing or no one would change the trajectory.
For the first time in 56 years I feel a whole new level of pride in our nation. The people have spoken! They came together to make a unified effort to take back our nation. That sense of pride and hope I felt in 3rd grade has returned.
As I watched the inauguration yesterday, I had such an overwhelming sense of excitement. Excitement for the future of our nation. Excitement for the president and First Lady. Excitement for the Senate, Excitement for the Congress. Excitement for the Cabinet Nominees. Excitement for the safety of our nation. Excitement for the growth of businesses. Excitement for the financial accountability and prosperity of the nation and the people of the USA. But, most importantly excitement for my grandchildren and great grand children.
While listening to President Trump’s inauguration, I went from that sense of impending doom to EXCITEMENT!!! And, that excitement was spreading like wildfire. Literally everyone was being contaminated right before our eyes.
Hope and Pride Are Back and…The Excitement Is Contagious!!!
Now, I am not ignorant. Not everyone shares my views, hope, pride, or excitement. They are indifferent and at times even seem irritated. Heck, I’ve had people make fun of my views, chastise me for watching so much TV. That’s ok… “Let Them”!!!
This is my country. The country I was taught to love dearly. I thank God every day for the privilege to live in the United States of America. I thank Him for those who have so bravely fought to give me the privilege to have freedom of speech.
Are you familiar with the phrase “Let Them”? I learned about the “Let Them” theory a little over a year ago. And the timing was perfect for where I was and what I was going through in life! As the oldest child, I grew up believing it was my responsibility to “fix” everything and everyone. The “Let Them” theory has definitely been freeing for me. This theory helped me realize circumstances are what they are and people are going to be who they are.
So…”LET THEM”
We all have our own unique journey. Each of us have the God given right to choose how we want to navigate that journey. I decided it was not my responsibility to try to fix the journey of others. In doing so would cause me to miss out on the journey God gifted me. If my focus is on controlling the narrative, I’m not focused on Living a Joyful Life.
Implementing the “Let Them” theory has made a huge impact on my personal peace and the peace of our home. Was it hard…ABSOLUTELY!!! Below is a Facebook post by my friend Luanne Salinas. Her post does a great job of identifying exactly what I thought before implementing the theory. It also explains how the “Let Them” theory gives closure.
Do I still love the individual(s)? YES
Do I still pray for the individual(s)? YES
But,From A Distance!
Here’s Louanne’s Post:
“Are you familiar with the “Let Them” theory? I’ll tell you friends the more I grow the more I am okay with accepting the “Let Them” in my own life and relationships.
This is something that took me a very long time to learn. I used to tolerate a lot because I didn’t want to lose people. But I learned the hard way if they were really my people they would never treat me like that. Don’t make the mistake of being so understanding and forgiving that you overlook the fact that you’re being repeatedly disrespected.
Let them be upset.
Let them judge you.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them gossip about you,
Let them ignore you.
Let them be “right.”
Let them doubt you.
Let them not like you.
Let them not speak to you.
Let them run your name in the ground.
Let them make you out to be the villain.
Whatever it is that people want to say about you, let them!
Kindly step aside and LET THEM.
The hard truth is they know how much they are hurting you. And they just simply don’t care. They did it knowing it could cause them to lose you. And they did it anyway. People that love you care about how they make you feel. The end. Let them go.
There will be people that would rather lose you than be honest about what they’ve done to you. Let them go.
The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of acountability was the closure. The lack of honestly was the closure. Let them go.
Make the decision to no longer sit at tables where you might be the topic when you get up. Let them go.
You can still be kind. You can even still love them deeply. But do it from the distance they created in their words and actions. Access to you is a privilege they have proven they can’t be trusted with. Let them go.
You don’t need to tell your side of the story. God already knows. Let God fight the battle for you. Let them go.
It’s taken me a long time to get here. Sleepless nights, countless tears, managing a range of emotions filled with anger, disappointment, confusion and deep hurt. Lots of self reflection, self preservation, deep prayer and seeking wisdom from those much wiser than me.
If you are struggling with this please know you are not alone. We will never understand why hurt people hurt people. But we can do the hard work to grow ourselves. Because healed people do in fact heal people.
Don’t you dare let them steal your joy.
Don’t you dare let them steal your light.
Don’t you dare let them steal your peace.
You are in control of that.
Hold tight to what you can control and release your grip on what you can’t control.
Let them go.”
Louanne, thank you for your post. I pray that by sharing it, someone will be moved to just
You know, it’s so easy to say, “I want to be joyful” but what exactly does that mean?
I remember speaking on the topic of “Joy” at a women’s retreat. One of the sessions was titled “Joy in the Journey”. Now, anyone who knows me is aware it’s not the journey that does it for me…
It’s THE RESULTS!!!
I am definitely a results oriented person. I find great pleasure in immediate gratification. The journey is equivalent to waiting and waiting is not one of my strong suits! With that said, I was given the word “Joyful” for 2025. I definitely better figure this out before the year is up…My days are fleeting! Heck 2024 came and went before I realized it!
So with that said, I guess a good place to start is with the definition of Joyful.
JOYFUL:experiencing pleasure, satisfaction, or delight
Hmmm…based on that definition, I would say I’m pretty joyful. Well, most of the time. Uh, well, I guess it would depend on the circumstances. Heck, who knows…some days it’s like a roller coaster. One minute I’m up and experiencing pleasure, feel satisfied or am delighted. the next, I’m serious, hyper focused, or distracted. I’m pretty sure my word for 2025 should have been “Complex”!!! Oh wait, where’s the growth in that…I’m already “Complex”. I’m pretty sure God wants me to focus on being JOYFUL and that means…I GOT WORK TO DO!!!
So, Welcome to My Journey to Discovering Joyful Living!
Now, hear me…I am not saying I am not joyful. I do have episodes of joyfulness just not consistently. I’m also not saying you don’t have a joyful life but what I am saying is… we all go through seasons. So, if you are going though a dry season please join me on my journey.
Come on…Let’s get started!
Now this is where I get stuck! Only on the 1st paragraph of the “journey” and I’ve already hit a major pothole. It’s at this point I could go in so many different directions!!!
So, usually when I’m looking for answers I go to Google and search for scriptures. Yep, while I take into account what other people say, I want to know what God’s word says. So, like a good soldier I typed in “Scriptures on Joyful”. Several verses came up. Many had the word joy but one particular scripture had the word “Joyful” and really resonated with me. It’s probably because I was recently diagnosed with Spondylosis.
Proverbs 17:22 “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” .
Wow…Spondylosis is a chronic condition that refers to the gradual wearing down of the spine’s cartilage and bones. A supple and strong bone is much more difficult to wear down or break. Yep, over the course of my life, my spirit has been crushed.
I know I’m not the only one! Gosh look at those effected by Hurricane Helene or the wildfires in California. Bless their hearts, those people literally lost everything!!! So, please hear me, in no way am I making light of their pain and suffering. But, we too are on a journey and our pain and heaviness is very real as well. Things like…
Loss of a child, spouse, parent, grandparent, friend: Gosh, I’ve experienced the loss of each and the pain never leaves. I will say, that over time, the wound is no longer as fresh. None the less, the loss does leave scars for life.
Catastrophic losses like storms, earthquakes, hurricanes, floods and fires: I can say, I’ve had my fair share of hurricanes and flooding. I’ve been effected by 2 floods in my life. Both were hard but the flood when I was 12 years old was the worst. I lost my sense of security and safe place. It was the structure not people that made me feel secure growing up. I guess that’s why home is so important to me even today.
Loss of relationships: It’s painful loosing a relationship with a loved one or a friend. Sometimes the loss isn’t always a falling out but instead a drifting away. Either way, there is a loss or disconnect and it can weigh you down. Now, I would like to say that sometimes this isn’t a bad thing. It just may be God’s protection on your life or emotional well-being.
Hurt Feelings: Oh my, I could go on forever on this one!!! I am here to tell you, my feelings have been hurt more times than I can count. For me the hurt is typically caused by setting my expectations too high. Or, because I make it all about me. Or, I just don’t consider the source and where they’ve been or what they’ve been through. And, then sometimes…People are just mean!!! Emotions are a bugger!!!
This list could go on for days but I think I’m unstuck. I finally know the direction I need to go!
I need to remember those things that bring me pleasure, what gives me satisfaction and who or what delights me. Then for 2025, I need to expand my list!!!
So, here’s my current list of things which lend to my joyful life:
Excursions with Richard
Taking a drive
Having lunch
Running errands
Stopping in at a winery
Time with Family
Time Alone with God
Relaxing at Home
Baking
Working in our Yard
Working in the Garden
Sitting out by the fire pit
Coffee on the porches
Walks on the property
Driving around the property in the side by side
Painting furniture and decor
Floral design
Writing
Yes, I know that is a pretty long list. Just so you know, I could go on and on but for the sake of time…I’ll stop!
I have been so incredibly blessed by reflecting on this list. In fact, my mind was completely redirected from those things that I’ve been though (both shared and not shared).
I Think I’m Having an “Ah Ha” Moment!!!
By changing my focus from trials to triumphs, my tests to testimonies, and suffering to healing it will yield a joyful life
Now for the hard part… I must remember to say “Ah Ha!!!” during my meltdown. I should also try to do this in a crisis or when dealing with that person who has hurt me.
My prayer for you is God will restore you to a joyful state and continue to pour out His Blessings on Your Life ❤
How can this be…January 1st has come and gone yet God did not give me my “Word for the Year”. This has never happened to me before!!! In the past, I knew what my word would be long before New Years Day. My brain went into overload. I listened with laser focus to every word I heard on TV, podcasts, and YouTube. I also read blogs and scripture. Yet, not a word. I even laid in bed at night wide awake brain storming and praying to find my “Word”.
Now, the desperate pursuit of the word had become serious almost to the point of being unpleasant. The pursuit had become serious and I had become unpleasant. In fact, the word search had sucked the joy right out of me! As I thought about feeling gloomy and down, I realized I have been pretty serious for a while.
Well, Duh…while it was a great year 2024 was a HARD year! My post 2024 Year in Review: A Journey of Gratitude definitely served as a reminder. It highlighted all I did and went through last year. No wonder I didn’t feel joyful…
JOYFUL
That’s it…My Word for the 2025
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not sad, depressed, or hopeless but just gloomy. Now, I’m sure that has to do with the fact I’m recovering from surgery. Just four months ago I had an Anterior posterior fusion L5-S1 with Graft using rods and screws using robotics. I also had a cyst removed. The surgeon said “if your cyst were a fish we would’ve had to mount it…it was that big”. So, there’s that but I know it to be more than just that!
All my life I have been somewhat serious. Raised by overachiever parents, I’ve always had both spoken and unspoken expectations placed on me. After all, I was the oldest child and they depended on me for a lot. Everything was serious! And for those times I did try to relax and let loose, I did not enjoy myself. It was foreign to me. That is until about 2005. We were empty-nesters and were more spontaneous. We RV’d, rode the motorcycle, and went on short excursions as our schedules allowed. I felt like for the 1st time in my life the weight of the world had fallen off my shoulders.
Then, I went into long term care. Not as a bedside nurse but as a Director of Nurses. There they were again…Spoken and Unspoken Expectations. State surveyors, Chief Nurse Officer, Regional Vice President, Administrator, and Regional Nurse, all piling their expectations on me. Yes, I know that goes with the job but…It was also a trigger for me. All the expectations were overwhelming and I had to be serious and laser focused. Once again, I was no longer joyful.
Then in June of 2022 I retired to care for my mother full time. She was total care requiring a lift for transfers and wheelchair bound. She also had postoperative complications after surgery for a hip fracture. So, now the expectations were based on my degree and professional experience. I was now my mother’s nurse. Oh but wait, things got a little muddled for me when childhood expectations are mingled with care expectations. Then stir in family dysfunction and everyone’s different personalities…What a MESS!!!
While I still care for my Mom, it has become so much easier. Since we moved from Texas, we have more of a routine. There’s less external chaos and peace has been restored to our home. Most importantly Mom is at peace and happy. While things have lighted significantly, I want to strive to be more joyful.
Oh My…That’s Quite a Laundry List For Me to Work On!!!
Will it be hard…Yes!
Will it be worth it…ABSOLUTELY
My word for 2024 was Gratitude and it was so incredibly easy to live in a state of gratitude. 2025 though, will definitely require some work for me but…I am determined to be JOYFUL again no matter what!!!
So, do you have a word for 2025? If yes, please do share!!!
Each year I ask God to give to me a word for the year. In 2024 that word was GRATITUDE. This entire year I’ve had so much gratitude for all of the beautiful blessings gifted to us. We love living near Brandi and Robi, and having Cheyenne and David close by. We have such a peaceful home with scenic views and surrounded by nature. We’ve also had a few adventures along the way. We have been blessed with so much but it feels like the year flown by. Yet it blows our minds when we think about all we’ve done in such a short time.
We moved to Roan Mountain last December. The interior of the house was completed just in time for us to move in and get settled before Christmas. It was wonderful but to say the exterior was a hot mess was an understatement! We had a makeshift driveway and there were mounds of dirt everywhere. The yard looked like a construction dump sight. Then to make matters worse there were natural springs running out of the mountain creating a muddy mess. So, in January the focus was for the contractors to construct the retaining wall.
Meanwhile, we were trying to get acclimated to the ICE & SNOW!!!
As for my Mom…She Absolutely Loves Watching it Snow!!!
In February the Work on the Retaining Wall Continued
The footer was formed, concrete poured, and the blocks were laid despite the rain and active springs!
February was also a time of celebration. We got to celebrate our granddaughter, Cheyenne’s 24th Birthday in our new home.
Now That Was a Great Memory!!!
Then during March and April, the construction of the wall continued until completion. Also, Brandi and Richard started work on the garden. Oh man, what an undertaking that was!!!
Progress on The Wall
Prep Work on The Garden
Then towards the middle of April we noticed things were really greening up. It was so beautiful. But, we had a lot of cleanup to do before the crew arrived to do our dirt work.
Also during April, I started learning a lot about foraging. Cheyenne and David took us out and taught us how to forage for morel mushrooms.
OH MY…Talk About Yummy!!!
Oh, and we did a little hiking in with Brandi.
We LOVE Her Sense of Adventure!
In May, we began to hear the rumble of motorcycles heading up the mountain to Carver’s Gap. As the weather got warmer, the motorcycles got louder and yep, you guessed it!
Richard Bought a Trike!!!
May was also the month the dirt work was done. The yard was hydroseeded and a proper driveway was put in…Finally, it was time to start work on walkways and flower beds!!!
June and July was spent outdoors working in the yard and garden. It was glorious!!! We laid five pallets of flagstone. Then, created flower beds. We then set up the fire pit area. It was nice working outside while being surrounded by the splendid beauty of God’s creation!!!
June was also when our grandson Brandon, Sarah, Payton, and Skylar flew in for a visit. Family hikes and sitting out by the fire pit made for some great memories!
Then towards the end of June and into July harvest season was upon us. Not only did we have to gather the produce but also preserve it all. So, I canned, dehydrated, froze, and baked A LOT!!! It was definitely a learning curve for me and I had to be quick study…The produce was not gonna wait!!!
Then in July everything came to an immediate halt!!! Now, July thru August was not a good memory. It was a memory that made an impact on our lives nonetheless. One day after some strenuous work in the yard, I noticed my back was sore. So, I took some Aleve and applied ice. After about a week it started feeling a little better so I decided to bake some chocolate chip cookies. I pulled the cookie sheet from the oven. As I turned to put them on the island, I went down in excruciating pain. This pain was like none I had ever experienced before!!! Richard had gone to get the mail. Mom was still in bed asleep. I tried to call Richard, Brandi, and Robi…No answer! Then I remember making my way to the couch while sending a 911 text to everyone. Brandi called me back instantly and before I knew it they were all three standing in our living room. To sum it up, an ambulance took me to the trauma center in Johnson City. There, they discovered I had severe stenosis on the left at L5-S1 foramina and spinal canal. They also found a cyst on my spine. Also, my vertebra at L4 had slipped forwards over the S1 vertebra. I was referred to a neurosurgeon and scheduled for surgery a month out. During that time, the doctor’s office worked to get a pre authorization for the surgery. The procedure was going to be over $200,000.00!!!
At this point, I would like to interject that I can’t say enough good about my coverage!!! We were extremely nervous because it was not conventional coverage but a Christian Program called WeShare. They are amazing, kind, and they really care!!! At first, we were told my surgery would not be covered. Many phone calls were made. Due to the work of an amazing employee at WeShare, my final out of pocket ended up being $5,000! Folks…THAT WAS GOD!!!
Also during this time, I was told I could not lift, bend, or twist. It was impossible for me to care for my Mom. Bless her heart, she was so understanding and agreed to stay at our local nursing facility as a respite patient. Aug 22nd I had my surgery and after a couple days in the hospital, I was sent home to recuperate. I was to wear a brace for 8 weeks, no lifting, bending, or twisting.
Meantime, Mom was still in the nursing facility. She was struggling to adapt to having a room mate. The sleep wake cycles did not match hers. She was having difficulty with the food, and being away from us. So, we made the decision to bring her home two weeks after my surgery. Now let me be clear… There was no way Mom would come home but for Richard’s willingness to help with her care. Mom also has a care giver that comes in 10 hours a week…She is AMAZING and Mom loves her dearly. So, between the three of us we have worked out a routine. This has allowed Mom to be back with us. For that… I am eternally grateful!!!
Mom Says, “There’s No Place Like Home!!!“
Then just as we thought things were about back to “Normal”, Hurricane Helene hit! Now, I have lived on the Gulf Coast most all my life. I have never experienced the effects of a hurricane on the coast like we did here in Tennessee with Helene. The aftermath was and continues to be devastating for so many in this area. The Doe River runs through our daughter and son-in-law’s property. Though it’s a small river, it is a force to be reckoned with when it floods!!!
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Though we were surrounded by devastation, we realized how incredibly blessed we were…All our family and their animals were not harmed!!!
After hurricane Helene, September, October, and November were dedicated to cleanup and continued healing. At my 8 week doctor’s visit I was released from the back brace. Then on the next visit I was released to ride on the motorcycle again.
Praise God…Just in time for Fall Foliage!!!
Then in Late November We Also Got Our 1st Snow!!!
The holidays were quiet for us. Brandi and Robi spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas with family in Texas. We definitely miss them when they’re away. Nevertheless, we do get to spend a lot of quality time with our Tennessee family and grand critters year round. WE LOVE THAT!!!
Well, that’s a wrap! 2024 is coming to a close and 2025 will be here in a couple of days. I guess the old saying stands true… “TIME FLIES WHEN YOUR HAVING FUN“
WE’VE HAD A BLAST IN 2024
and
FOR THAT WE EXPRESS OUR GRATITUDE!!!
Wishing Each and Everyone a Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year!
This morning as I was waiting for my cup of coffee to brew, I began my morning quiet time with an “Attitude of Gratitude”. As I looked around our kitchen, I thought to my self “I really love that arrangement” or “That picture belongs right there” and then I became flooded with the memories of where those items originated or who had given them to me. Then I began to thank God for the provisions He has given me and the people He has placed in my life.
Then, I allowed my mind to broaden and think of many of the people He placed in my life over the years. While most were amazing, not all were easy or a pleasure. I might add, some of those individuals were exhausting…They would suck the life right out of me with their:
Low Self-esteem
Under Developed Communication Skills
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Inadequate Support System
Difficulty Coping
Oh Wait…I Just Described Myself!!!
Yep, I have personally experienced every one of those things listed above at some point in my life. Oh, and believe you me…about the time I think I have things under wraps a wave hits and I find myself gasping for air.
Let me ask you something, Do you think this comes as surprise to God? Absolutely not!!! and the wall decor in my kitchen serves as my daily reminder!
He knows me…He really knows ME!!! Jesus gets me, understands me, tolerates me, and most of all He celebrates me!!!
Do I break His heart? Yes, I do on a daily basis!
Do I ask for His forgiveness? Yes, I do on a daily basis!
Does He beat me over the head with shame and condemnation? Absolutely not! In fact the scripture that assures me of this is Romans 8:1
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus“
So, why does God place people in my path that remind me of my failures, deficits, past, lack of support, and my inability to cope or resolve my own problems?
To remind me:
I am Broken
I need to support and lift others up
I need to work to do better every day
I need to continue to work on my communication skills
I need to develop empathy
And sometimes…He is teaching me I need to set boundaries.
This morning as I was scrolling through my Facebook feed I saw a quote that caught my eye. The quote caused me to think about all the questioning from others and the blatant “No’s” throughout my life. Then, all of the sudden it became abundantly clear…They didn’t under the vision God had given me!
Oh my goodness…I had no clue they just didn’t understand!!! They did not understand the vision God had given me!!!
Uh Oh…All of the sudden I felt like a failure. I felt like I had not done a good enough job of communicating the vision to people. Then, clarity came! It is my vision. It was a vision God had given to me not them so why would I ever expect them to understand.
I’ve had several experiences where my vision was not understood…
I Am To Sing
My first memory of this was when I was about 10yrs old. We were driving into town (about a 10 mile drive) and we were all singing along to a song on the radio when my dad turned around and said, “Lee, stop singing, you’re off key!”. I was devastated and so embarrassed. Needless to say, I never sang in front of my dad again; that is until my Junior year in high school. It was in my junior year of high school that I was chosen to play the part of Widow Carney in the musical Oliver. My dad came to see the production. After the show my dad came up to me and said, “Wow…I didn’t know you could sing!”. Of course he didn’t…He didn’t understand the vision God had given me. Not only could I sing but I received Best Supporting Actress for that role.
Next, during my freshman year I didn’t make the Accapella choir. The choir director placed me in the 2nd choir. Once again, I was so frustrated. I knew I could sing…God said so! During Christmas break my sophomore year I moved to Angleton and under the leadership of Butch Broom, I began to flourish! He believed in me and supported my vision. I made Area Choir, received 1’s on my solos and ensembles. I was placed in a madrigal and was chosen to play the part of Widow Carney in Oliver. I’ll never forget the day I made area choir, the choir director that overlooked me came up to me and said, “Wow Kimbrough…I didn’t know you had it in you!”. Of course he didn’t…He didn’t understand the vision God had given me.
I Am To Be Richard Smith’s Wife: Let’s just say, at age 17 I didn’t receive a lot of support when I announced I was going to get married. The lack of support was not because of Richard but because of my age. Everyone felt I was too young for marriage and my classmates watched me like a hawk because they thought I was pregnant and had to get married…Nope, I was in love and had to marry that boy!!! He was my soulmate! 45 years later, we are still happily married and many of the nay sayers have said, “Wow, I didn’t think y’all would make it!” Of course they didn’t…They didn’t understand the vision God had given me.
I Am To Be A Nurse: While I didn’t have anyone doubt that I could be a nurse, I did have many who doubted the type of nurse I would become.
ICU Nurse: That was my dream job. I graduated from Nursing School knowing I wanted to be an ICU Nurse but was placed on the Medical Surgical unit instead because the nurse educator felt she knew me better than I knew myself. It wasn’t until my manager on the Med Surg unit, Carla Deggs, saw my potential and began to mentor me. She believed in me and before you know it, she helped me secure a spot in ICU. It was magical…The team was magical..I absolutely loved it. Later the nurse educator told me she didn’t think I could handle ICU. Of course she didn’t…she didn’t understand the vision God had given me.
PACU Nurse: The hospital went though some “restructuring” and required all nurses to reapply for their jobs. We had to list our 3 picks. Did I get my 1st pick? Nope, would you believe, I was assigned to be the Charge Nurse in PACU. Hmmm…I sure didn’t see that one coming! God Did Though!!!
1st: ICU
2nd: PACU
3rd: Med Surg
Informatics Nurse: I was asked to join a team that would be building the electronic documentation system for the Emergency Room. We went off for training and during the training I was appointed to take the lead on the project. Richard asked me, “Baby do they know you have no training or knowledge of computers? Heck, you don’t even know how to turn one off!”. I told him, “no but I want to do this”. Several months later Richard said, “I wish I could access the information on my computer from my laptop” I asked, “Why don’t you remote in? He replied, “I don’t know how”…Who knew, I would be teaching my husband about the computer? God Did!
Director of Revenue Management: I was approached by the CEO at the hospital and he asked me to consider taking a job as the Director of Revenue Management where I would be tasked to go after the 5-6% of revenue left on the table. I went home and told Richard about it. He responded, “Baby do they know you’ve not managed finances or ever balanced a checkbook?” I told him, “no, but I want to do this”. With the help of my team we gleaned 5 million dollars over 5 years for that little 65 bed hospital. God Knew!!!
Director of Nursing: After 5 years in the Revenue Management Department, I went to the CEO and told him I wanted to go back into patient care. He replied, “I can’t let you do that. You bring too much money to the hospital.” I told him it wasn’t a desire…It was a calling. That day, I went home and there was a flyer in our mailbox seeking a Director of Nurses for a Skilled and Long Term Care Facility. I applied and was offered the position. Several of my co-workers at the hospital questioned my decision. I told them, it was what I wanted and believed I was being called to do. 15 years later, I stepped down from a DON position to care for my mom full time. Later my old co-worker told me she didn’t think I would make it as a DON. Of course she didn’t…she didn’t understand the vision God had given me.
I Am To Paint: My daughter introduced me to the world of chalk paint and I was hooked. I knew in my spirit…This is what I am suppose to do! While talking with one of my administrators he asked me, “what have you been doing?” I told him I was painting furniture. I was turning old furniture into works of art. He laughed at me and said, “I’m sure it doesn’t pay as much as being a DON.” When I told him no but it was what I loved he laughed even harder. Did he respect what I was doing? Of course he didn’t…He didn’t understand the vision God had given me.
I Am To Be My Mother’s Care Giver: In April 2022 my little 81yr old mother fell and broke her hip. She had surgery followed by postoperative complications. I made the decision to step down from my position as Director of Nurses to care for my mom. Several people told me, “You don’t want to do that…It is a huge commitment.” Of course they would say that…They didn’t understand the vision God had given me.
And, you are thinking…All that from a Facebook post???
Yes, all that to ask, has God Given You A Vision?
Don’t let the doubters and nay sayers keep you from fulfilling that God given Vision!
A while back I took a piece of greenery from our bathroom and used it to decorate in our bedroom. Who knew this one simple decision would have such a profound effect on me and my mental clarity???
Sound dramatic? Well, for me it was…
THE LAMP AND ECHO DOT CORDS WERE SHOWING!!!
Anyone who knows me is aware that visual order is essential for my mental health and well being. Visual chaos drives me insane and the exposed cords on my bathroom counter were driving me NUTS!!!
I tried several different types of stems and arrangements but nothing looked right. Running to the store to pick something up was not an easy option because it’s hard on my mother to transfer in and out of the car and leaving here at home is just not an option.
So, for weeks now, I have been STUCK!!!
My gaze was focused on the visual chaos of the cords
My brain was constantly scanning the house for anything that would work
Putting my makeup on and getting dressed in the morning was down right difficult
All I could focus on was the chaos and emptiness…I needed something quick!
LOW AND BEHOLD, THERE IT WAS…ALL I HAD TO DO WAS LOOK UP!!!
Yep, the very greenery was right there in my bathroom above my cabinet! My first thought was, “oh no, I can’t move that. It belongs in there!”. Then, I realized, it really didn’t because I had not even recognized the greenery was up there or that it could be an option to resolve my issue.
So, guess what I did this morning…Yep, you guessed it!
Whoa…Wait! What’s that piece of paper sticking on the mirror you ask? Isn’t that visual clutter???
Nope…That’s my Love Note from my Granddaughter.
It is right where she posted it and will stay there to serves as a daily reminder…
I AM LOVED!!!
So, why did I share this? Because perhaps there is something in your life that has you “STUCK” and this might help you get unstuck!
People often feel stuck because:
They may feel they are not able to implement change
They are unable to process past trauma or emotional wounds
They don’t understand why things are the way they are
My day started out like any other day at work. While waiting for my laptop to boot up I logged into the phone system to retrieve my voice mails. But, unlike any other day, I hear my cousin Terry’s voice…”Lee Daddy is Gone”. My body went numb and then I become keenly aware I can’t breathe!!!
On Monday, I received a call from one of our emergency room nurses. She left a message saying I had a family member in the ED who was asking for me. So, when I received the message, I immediately went down stairs to discover my Uncle Jack was in the emergency room. Despite his confusion due to low oxygen saturation, he immediately recognized me and began to converse with me. In the course of our conversation he told me he loved me and was very proud of me. He also told me , “I want to go home”. I immediately made the physician aware of Uncle Jack’s request and after the physician spoke with Uncle Jack and Aunt Sue he agreed to allow my Uncle Jack to return home on Hospice.
OMGosh…now he is gone!!! On January 23, 2013 at approximately 7:30 am. He was surrounded by his loved ones when he peacefully left this world and ran to loving arms of His Heavenly Father.
Jack Kimbrough was a kind, compassionate, loving and well-respected man in the community which he served. He carried on his father’s legacy by becoming a registered pharmacist and he ran both of our family drug stores in Clute. K&S Pharmacy was on Hwy 288 in the building that is now the Koloche Shoppe and Kim’s Sundries which was on Main Street in Clute next to the post office.
Uncle Jack never met a stranger in-fact he made everyone who entered his drug stores feel welcome. He loved his community and the people in it. And… everyone loved him. He would meet people after hours to ensure they were able to obtain the medicines they needed and I always was amazed at the different forms of payment he accepted…Cash, eggs, chickens, fresh loaves of homemade bread…whatever his customer was able to pay him with.
My Uncle Jack spoiled me rotten!!! I was the first-born child of his brother Dale Kimbrough and for as long as I can remember, I have been so proud of my Uncle Jack. Even as a little girl, I was so incredibly proud to introduce him as MY Uncle Jack!
At age 5, I would walk from our home to the drug store (about a block away) and on the days He was at the store on Main Street he would greet me at the door of the store and carry me to the corner, walk me across the street so I could continue on my way to kindergarten. Yep, you guessed it…Absolute highlight of my day!!!
While most of his time was spent behind the counter compounding drugs and filling prescriptions there were occasions when he would break away from the stores to spend quality time with his family and loved ones. Even though he had two children of his own he would make time for me. I remember, how excited I was when he invited me to ride with him to “Old Man Frederick’s” to see all the exotic animals raised there. Uncle Jack loved wild animals and exotic animals… That ol’ man had everything! Lions, Tigers and Bears…Oh My!!!
Uncle Jack loved to hunt. He and Daddy would take my cousins and me dove hunting in the valley where we made some really awesome memories together…Of course Leslie, he would pick on me the whole trip and Uncle Jack would say, “he only picks on you because he loves you so much”. Terry Uncle Jack’s daughter was older than me so she became my role model. She was sweet spirited, soft-spoken and very kind to me. I loved my time with them all…We were in those cotton fields hunting for hours making incredible memories without phones, ipads, or laptops…those were the good ol’ days!!!
My Uncle Jack was a wise man too. I spent my entire time in elementary, Jr. High, and High School learning as much as I could because, I was going to be a pharmacist like my Pawpaw Kim and Uncle Jack. Then I took chemistry in my last year of high school! I remember sitting down with Uncle Jack saying, “Uncle Jack, can you please explain the periodic table to me? I just don’t get it.” He would say, “Lee, you’re not suppose to get it. Just memorize it and move on.” While I didn’t get the periodic table, Uncle Jack got me! He said, “Lee, I know you want to carry on the family legacy but you were made to be a nurse. A nurse needs to know why. A nurse gets to ask those questions…you were meant to be a nurse like your Nonnie and Aunt Lillie”. Because Uncle Jack got me, I am now a registered nurse.
My Uncle Jack loved nature! He loved to hunt, fish, garden, and I heard he loved to skinny dip in his pond (Shhhh). As I mentioned he loved wild animals so much so he has not one but two 140 pound Timber Wolves and he has spoiled them rotten!!! Even as sick as he was, he would say, “I gotta get home to my babies”. He loved those beautiful creatures!
As a child I would sit on the counter and “help” Uncle Jack count pills and eat ice cream cones with him on the front steps of the store. As an adult I would sit with him and talk about his garden, fruit trees and wolves. We would discuss religion and philosophy. He would tell me stories about our family and provide history lessons. But, every discussion would lead to my Uncle Jack’s favorite topic…His Family. He loved us all so much and never wasted a chance to tell us! He would always tell me how proud of me he was. He would go on and on about how proud he was of Terry and Leslie, how much he loved Andi and Daniel and how Aunt Sue’s children were his children. Then he would move on to all the grandchildren, nieces, and nephews. He loved my Dad so much and would tell me stories over and over of the fun they would have. He admired his mother and had so much respect for his Dad. But of all his loves…he adored my Aunt Sue!!! His eyes would light up when she walked into the room and would melt when she spoke.
My Uncle Jack was a loving and respectful man. Just before leaving the emergency room on Monday, Uncle Jack shook hands with the physician and thanked everyone for the care he received by saying, “I thank you and my God thanks you”…
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A Love Lee Place 