Well, you know how people say, “my train of thought is”…Well, I don’t have a train of thought! I deal with a whole dang train station!!!
Thoughts coming and going, switching tracks, derailing, and even stalling. Oh, and believe you me, it’s a hot mess at times!!!
While getting dressed this morning, my thoughts were steered in the direction of my “short comings”.
Thoughts like:
I’m not enough…
I’m too much…
I can’t…
I should have…
Why me…
If I could just…
I smeared make-up into the crevices of my face. Then glued on eyelashes and drew on eye brows. I finally figure out where my cheek bones were and applied my blush. All while thoughts of my “short comings” kept racing through my mind.
When I finished applying my game face, I walked over to the bathroom window to look up the mountain side.
Even though it’s officially Spring here in Tennessee, the weather is very labile…Sunny one day then cold and windy the next. These poor plants are so confused!!! Once they start to trust that it is warm enough to release their foliage and blooms another cool front hits. Their tender foliage and blooms freeze and fall to the ground. Then, about the time they almost give up, here comes the sun and they try again.
When they finally emerge what a GLORIOUS sight!!!
God can teach us some pretty incredible lessons though nature. That is if we will just take time to observe our surroundings and listen to the Master’s voice.
Life has been challenging for me both physically and emotionally since July of last year. Today I observed the plants on the mountain thriving despite the adversity. And, I heard the Master’s voice whisper to me…”KEEP TRYING…Don’t give up…KEEP TRYING!!! I’ve Got You!!!”
Then, I heard…” You can do all things through Christ who strengthens You”. I have quoted Philippians 4:13 for most of my life but today…Today I internalized it because He spoke it over me!!!
I share my morning because I know I’m not the only one who struggles. Friend, when He says I can do all things through Christ, I know He will give you that same strength too!!!
As a young child my life was challenging. Home life was very tumultuous. As the oldest of four children, I felt I had to please my parents, fix everything and protect everyone. I now realize that was an impossible task but never the less, I took it on. I was very dedicated and loyal to what I thought was expected of me.
My reprieve from the chaos was school. In fact it became my safe place. I loved going to school because I loved to learn. Geography, English, and Reading were my favorite subjects. Geography because I loved coloring the maps. English challenged me to dissect sentences and communicate more effectively. Reading…Now, reading allowed me to visit and experience places in my mind. I knew I wouldn’t get to do these things in person.
While I loved all my teachers, one stood out above them all. Mrs. Billings, my 3rd grade teacher. She was kind and loving but firm. She genuinely cared about her students and made home visits to each and every one. The thing I respected most about her was her dedication to her love of God and Country. Each morning after the bell rang we would say “The Pledge of Allegiance”. Then Mrs. Billings would read us a Bible Story, and lead us in prayer. This occurred every single day without fail and I LOVED it!!! She instilled in her students a sense of pride and hope.
During that same time my grandparents on my dad’s side moved to Tennessee. I believe we visited them once during the summer. We played in the stream that ran down the mountain, took long walks, and fished. My time with them was glorious and the last time I saw them.
Now, who would have ever guessed I would be living in Tennessee! I little ironic don’t you think? Remember I mentioned we visited in the summer. Well, you can imagine my delight when we got to experience real snow. Not the slushy snow of Texas but light and fluffy snow.
But, what I didn’t realize was the snow that melts during the day turns to ice at night. This leaves a base of ice covered with snow on the roads. Typically that would not be problematic except we are from Texas. We are not used to driving in snow and ice. Oh and to add to that our driveway up the mountain is pretty steep. So, all that to say we hunker down at home. This leaves us with a lot of time to watch TV. We mostly watch the news or football as my Mom struggles to follow shows or movies.
Now, I’ve never been one to watch the news because they typically cover nothing but gloom and doom. It has been heart wrenching to watch the decline of our nation. That sense of pride and hope instilled in my by Mrs. Billings was quickly fading. In fact, I felt a sense of impending doom. Our nation was in chaos and it was as if nothing or no one would change the trajectory.
For the first time in 56 years I feel a whole new level of pride in our nation. The people have spoken! They came together to make a unified effort to take back our nation. That sense of pride and hope I felt in 3rd grade has returned.
As I watched the inauguration yesterday, I had such an overwhelming sense of excitement. Excitement for the future of our nation. Excitement for the president and First Lady. Excitement for the Senate, Excitement for the Congress. Excitement for the Cabinet Nominees. Excitement for the safety of our nation. Excitement for the growth of businesses. Excitement for the financial accountability and prosperity of the nation and the people of the USA. But, most importantly excitement for my grandchildren and great grand children.
While listening to President Trump’s inauguration, I went from that sense of impending doom to EXCITEMENT!!! And, that excitement was spreading like wildfire. Literally everyone was being contaminated right before our eyes.
Hope and Pride Are Back and…The Excitement Is Contagious!!!
Now, I am not ignorant. Not everyone shares my views, hope, pride, or excitement. They are indifferent and at times even seem irritated. Heck, I’ve had people make fun of my views, chastise me for watching so much TV. That’s ok… “Let Them”!!!
This is my country. The country I was taught to love dearly. I thank God every day for the privilege to live in the United States of America. I thank Him for those who have so bravely fought to give me the privilege to have freedom of speech.
Are you familiar with the phrase “Let Them”? I learned about the “Let Them” theory a little over a year ago. And the timing was perfect for where I was and what I was going through in life! As the oldest child, I grew up believing it was my responsibility to “fix” everything and everyone. The “Let Them” theory has definitely been freeing for me. This theory helped me realize circumstances are what they are and people are going to be who they are.
So…”LET THEM”
We all have our own unique journey. Each of us have the God given right to choose how we want to navigate that journey. I decided it was not my responsibility to try to fix the journey of others. In doing so would cause me to miss out on the journey God gifted me. If my focus is on controlling the narrative, I’m not focused on Living a Joyful Life.
Implementing the “Let Them” theory has made a huge impact on my personal peace and the peace of our home. Was it hard…ABSOLUTELY!!! Below is a Facebook post by my friend Luanne Salinas. Her post does a great job of identifying exactly what I thought before implementing the theory. It also explains how the “Let Them” theory gives closure.
Do I still love the individual(s)? YES
Do I still pray for the individual(s)? YES
But,From A Distance!
Here’s Louanne’s Post:
“Are you familiar with the “Let Them” theory? I’ll tell you friends the more I grow the more I am okay with accepting the “Let Them” in my own life and relationships.
This is something that took me a very long time to learn. I used to tolerate a lot because I didn’t want to lose people. But I learned the hard way if they were really my people they would never treat me like that. Don’t make the mistake of being so understanding and forgiving that you overlook the fact that you’re being repeatedly disrespected.
Let them be upset.
Let them judge you.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them gossip about you,
Let them ignore you.
Let them be “right.”
Let them doubt you.
Let them not like you.
Let them not speak to you.
Let them run your name in the ground.
Let them make you out to be the villain.
Whatever it is that people want to say about you, let them!
Kindly step aside and LET THEM.
The hard truth is they know how much they are hurting you. And they just simply don’t care. They did it knowing it could cause them to lose you. And they did it anyway. People that love you care about how they make you feel. The end. Let them go.
There will be people that would rather lose you than be honest about what they’ve done to you. Let them go.
The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of acountability was the closure. The lack of honestly was the closure. Let them go.
Make the decision to no longer sit at tables where you might be the topic when you get up. Let them go.
You can still be kind. You can even still love them deeply. But do it from the distance they created in their words and actions. Access to you is a privilege they have proven they can’t be trusted with. Let them go.
You don’t need to tell your side of the story. God already knows. Let God fight the battle for you. Let them go.
It’s taken me a long time to get here. Sleepless nights, countless tears, managing a range of emotions filled with anger, disappointment, confusion and deep hurt. Lots of self reflection, self preservation, deep prayer and seeking wisdom from those much wiser than me.
If you are struggling with this please know you are not alone. We will never understand why hurt people hurt people. But we can do the hard work to grow ourselves. Because healed people do in fact heal people.
Don’t you dare let them steal your joy.
Don’t you dare let them steal your light.
Don’t you dare let them steal your peace.
You are in control of that.
Hold tight to what you can control and release your grip on what you can’t control.
Let them go.”
Louanne, thank you for your post. I pray that by sharing it, someone will be moved to just
You know, it’s so easy to say, “I want to be joyful” but what exactly does that mean?
I remember speaking on the topic of “Joy” at a women’s retreat. One of the sessions was titled “Joy in the Journey”. Now, anyone who knows me is aware it’s not the journey that does it for me…
It’s THE RESULTS!!!
I am definitely a results oriented person. I find great pleasure in immediate gratification. The journey is equivalent to waiting and waiting is not one of my strong suits! With that said, I was given the word “Joyful” for 2025. I definitely better figure this out before the year is up…My days are fleeting! Heck 2024 came and went before I realized it!
So with that said, I guess a good place to start is with the definition of Joyful.
JOYFUL:experiencing pleasure, satisfaction, or delight
Hmmm…based on that definition, I would say I’m pretty joyful. Well, most of the time. Uh, well, I guess it would depend on the circumstances. Heck, who knows…some days it’s like a roller coaster. One minute I’m up and experiencing pleasure, feel satisfied or am delighted. the next, I’m serious, hyper focused, or distracted. I’m pretty sure my word for 2025 should have been “Complex”!!! Oh wait, where’s the growth in that…I’m already “Complex”. I’m pretty sure God wants me to focus on being JOYFUL and that means…I GOT WORK TO DO!!!
So, Welcome to My Journey to Discovering Joyful Living!
Now, hear me…I am not saying I am not joyful. I do have episodes of joyfulness just not consistently. I’m also not saying you don’t have a joyful life but what I am saying is… we all go through seasons. So, if you are going though a dry season please join me on my journey.
Come on…Let’s get started!
Now this is where I get stuck! Only on the 1st paragraph of the “journey” and I’ve already hit a major pothole. It’s at this point I could go in so many different directions!!!
So, usually when I’m looking for answers I go to Google and search for scriptures. Yep, while I take into account what other people say, I want to know what God’s word says. So, like a good soldier I typed in “Scriptures on Joyful”. Several verses came up. Many had the word joy but one particular scripture had the word “Joyful” and really resonated with me. It’s probably because I was recently diagnosed with Spondylosis.
Proverbs 17:22 “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” .
Wow…Spondylosis is a chronic condition that refers to the gradual wearing down of the spine’s cartilage and bones. A supple and strong bone is much more difficult to wear down or break. Yep, over the course of my life, my spirit has been crushed.
I know I’m not the only one! Gosh look at those effected by Hurricane Helene or the wildfires in California. Bless their hearts, those people literally lost everything!!! So, please hear me, in no way am I making light of their pain and suffering. But, we too are on a journey and our pain and heaviness is very real as well. Things like…
Loss of a child, spouse, parent, grandparent, friend: Gosh, I’ve experienced the loss of each and the pain never leaves. I will say, that over time, the wound is no longer as fresh. None the less, the loss does leave scars for life.
Catastrophic losses like storms, earthquakes, hurricanes, floods and fires: I can say, I’ve had my fair share of hurricanes and flooding. I’ve been effected by 2 floods in my life. Both were hard but the flood when I was 12 years old was the worst. I lost my sense of security and safe place. It was the structure not people that made me feel secure growing up. I guess that’s why home is so important to me even today.
Loss of relationships: It’s painful loosing a relationship with a loved one or a friend. Sometimes the loss isn’t always a falling out but instead a drifting away. Either way, there is a loss or disconnect and it can weigh you down. Now, I would like to say that sometimes this isn’t a bad thing. It just may be God’s protection on your life or emotional well-being.
Hurt Feelings: Oh my, I could go on forever on this one!!! I am here to tell you, my feelings have been hurt more times than I can count. For me the hurt is typically caused by setting my expectations too high. Or, because I make it all about me. Or, I just don’t consider the source and where they’ve been or what they’ve been through. And, then sometimes…People are just mean!!! Emotions are a bugger!!!
This list could go on for days but I think I’m unstuck. I finally know the direction I need to go!
I need to remember those things that bring me pleasure, what gives me satisfaction and who or what delights me. Then for 2025, I need to expand my list!!!
So, here’s my current list of things which lend to my joyful life:
Excursions with Richard
Taking a drive
Having lunch
Running errands
Stopping in at a winery
Time with Family
Time Alone with God
Relaxing at Home
Baking
Working in our Yard
Working in the Garden
Sitting out by the fire pit
Coffee on the porches
Walks on the property
Driving around the property in the side by side
Painting furniture and decor
Floral design
Writing
Yes, I know that is a pretty long list. Just so you know, I could go on and on but for the sake of time…I’ll stop!
I have been so incredibly blessed by reflecting on this list. In fact, my mind was completely redirected from those things that I’ve been though (both shared and not shared).
I Think I’m Having an “Ah Ha” Moment!!!
By changing my focus from trials to triumphs, my tests to testimonies, and suffering to healing it will yield a joyful life
Now for the hard part… I must remember to say “Ah Ha!!!” during my meltdown. I should also try to do this in a crisis or when dealing with that person who has hurt me.
My prayer for you is God will restore you to a joyful state and continue to pour out His Blessings on Your Life ❤
How can this be…January 1st has come and gone yet God did not give me my “Word for the Year”. This has never happened to me before!!! In the past, I knew what my word would be long before New Years Day. My brain went into overload. I listened with laser focus to every word I heard on TV, podcasts, and YouTube. I also read blogs and scripture. Yet, not a word. I even laid in bed at night wide awake brain storming and praying to find my “Word”.
Now, the desperate pursuit of the word had become serious almost to the point of being unpleasant. The pursuit had become serious and I had become unpleasant. In fact, the word search had sucked the joy right out of me! As I thought about feeling gloomy and down, I realized I have been pretty serious for a while.
Well, Duh…while it was a great year 2024 was a HARD year! My post 2024 Year in Review: A Journey of Gratitude definitely served as a reminder. It highlighted all I did and went through last year. No wonder I didn’t feel joyful…
JOYFUL
That’s it…My Word for the 2025
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not sad, depressed, or hopeless but just gloomy. Now, I’m sure that has to do with the fact I’m recovering from surgery. Just four months ago I had an Anterior posterior fusion L5-S1 with Graft using rods and screws using robotics. I also had a cyst removed. The surgeon said “if your cyst were a fish we would’ve had to mount it…it was that big”. So, there’s that but I know it to be more than just that!
All my life I have been somewhat serious. Raised by overachiever parents, I’ve always had both spoken and unspoken expectations placed on me. After all, I was the oldest child and they depended on me for a lot. Everything was serious! And for those times I did try to relax and let loose, I did not enjoy myself. It was foreign to me. That is until about 2005. We were empty-nesters and were more spontaneous. We RV’d, rode the motorcycle, and went on short excursions as our schedules allowed. I felt like for the 1st time in my life the weight of the world had fallen off my shoulders.
Then, I went into long term care. Not as a bedside nurse but as a Director of Nurses. There they were again…Spoken and Unspoken Expectations. State surveyors, Chief Nurse Officer, Regional Vice President, Administrator, and Regional Nurse, all piling their expectations on me. Yes, I know that goes with the job but…It was also a trigger for me. All the expectations were overwhelming and I had to be serious and laser focused. Once again, I was no longer joyful.
Then in June of 2022 I retired to care for my mother full time. She was total care requiring a lift for transfers and wheelchair bound. She also had postoperative complications after surgery for a hip fracture. So, now the expectations were based on my degree and professional experience. I was now my mother’s nurse. Oh but wait, things got a little muddled for me when childhood expectations are mingled with care expectations. Then stir in family dysfunction and everyone’s different personalities…What a MESS!!!
While I still care for my Mom, it has become so much easier. Since we moved from Texas, we have more of a routine. There’s less external chaos and peace has been restored to our home. Most importantly Mom is at peace and happy. While things have lighted significantly, I want to strive to be more joyful.
Oh My…That’s Quite a Laundry List For Me to Work On!!!
Will it be hard…Yes!
Will it be worth it…ABSOLUTELY
My word for 2024 was Gratitude and it was so incredibly easy to live in a state of gratitude. 2025 though, will definitely require some work for me but…I am determined to be JOYFUL again no matter what!!!
So, do you have a word for 2025? If yes, please do share!!!
Each year I ask God to give to me a word for the year. In 2024 that word was GRATITUDE. This entire year I’ve had so much gratitude for all of the beautiful blessings gifted to us. We love living near Brandi and Robi, and having Cheyenne and David close by. We have such a peaceful home with scenic views and surrounded by nature. We’ve also had a few adventures along the way. We have been blessed with so much but it feels like the year flown by. Yet it blows our minds when we think about all we’ve done in such a short time.
We moved to Roan Mountain last December. The interior of the house was completed just in time for us to move in and get settled before Christmas. It was wonderful but to say the exterior was a hot mess was an understatement! We had a makeshift driveway and there were mounds of dirt everywhere. The yard looked like a construction dump sight. Then to make matters worse there were natural springs running out of the mountain creating a muddy mess. So, in January the focus was for the contractors to construct the retaining wall.
Meanwhile, we were trying to get acclimated to the ICE & SNOW!!!
As for my Mom…She Absolutely Loves Watching it Snow!!!
In February the Work on the Retaining Wall Continued
The footer was formed, concrete poured, and the blocks were laid despite the rain and active springs!
February was also a time of celebration. We got to celebrate our granddaughter, Cheyenne’s 24th Birthday in our new home.
Now That Was a Great Memory!!!
Then during March and April, the construction of the wall continued until completion. Also, Brandi and Richard started work on the garden. Oh man, what an undertaking that was!!!
Progress on The Wall
Prep Work on The Garden
Then towards the middle of April we noticed things were really greening up. It was so beautiful. But, we had a lot of cleanup to do before the crew arrived to do our dirt work.
Also during April, I started learning a lot about foraging. Cheyenne and David took us out and taught us how to forage for morel mushrooms.
OH MY…Talk About Yummy!!!
Oh, and we did a little hiking in with Brandi.
We LOVE Her Sense of Adventure!
In May, we began to hear the rumble of motorcycles heading up the mountain to Carver’s Gap. As the weather got warmer, the motorcycles got louder and yep, you guessed it!
Richard Bought a Trike!!!
May was also the month the dirt work was done. The yard was hydroseeded and a proper driveway was put in…Finally, it was time to start work on walkways and flower beds!!!
June and July was spent outdoors working in the yard and garden. It was glorious!!! We laid five pallets of flagstone. Then, created flower beds. We then set up the fire pit area. It was nice working outside while being surrounded by the splendid beauty of God’s creation!!!
June was also when our grandson Brandon, Sarah, Payton, and Skylar flew in for a visit. Family hikes and sitting out by the fire pit made for some great memories!
Then towards the end of June and into July harvest season was upon us. Not only did we have to gather the produce but also preserve it all. So, I canned, dehydrated, froze, and baked A LOT!!! It was definitely a learning curve for me and I had to be quick study…The produce was not gonna wait!!!
Then in July everything came to an immediate halt!!! Now, July thru August was not a good memory. It was a memory that made an impact on our lives nonetheless. One day after some strenuous work in the yard, I noticed my back was sore. So, I took some Aleve and applied ice. After about a week it started feeling a little better so I decided to bake some chocolate chip cookies. I pulled the cookie sheet from the oven. As I turned to put them on the island, I went down in excruciating pain. This pain was like none I had ever experienced before!!! Richard had gone to get the mail. Mom was still in bed asleep. I tried to call Richard, Brandi, and Robi…No answer! Then I remember making my way to the couch while sending a 911 text to everyone. Brandi called me back instantly and before I knew it they were all three standing in our living room. To sum it up, an ambulance took me to the trauma center in Johnson City. There, they discovered I had severe stenosis on the left at L5-S1 foramina and spinal canal. They also found a cyst on my spine. Also, my vertebra at L4 had slipped forwards over the S1 vertebra. I was referred to a neurosurgeon and scheduled for surgery a month out. During that time, the doctor’s office worked to get a pre authorization for the surgery. The procedure was going to be over $200,000.00!!!
At this point, I would like to interject that I can’t say enough good about my coverage!!! We were extremely nervous because it was not conventional coverage but a Christian Program called WeShare. They are amazing, kind, and they really care!!! At first, we were told my surgery would not be covered. Many phone calls were made. Due to the work of an amazing employee at WeShare, my final out of pocket ended up being $5,000! Folks…THAT WAS GOD!!!
Also during this time, I was told I could not lift, bend, or twist. It was impossible for me to care for my Mom. Bless her heart, she was so understanding and agreed to stay at our local nursing facility as a respite patient. Aug 22nd I had my surgery and after a couple days in the hospital, I was sent home to recuperate. I was to wear a brace for 8 weeks, no lifting, bending, or twisting.
Meantime, Mom was still in the nursing facility. She was struggling to adapt to having a room mate. The sleep wake cycles did not match hers. She was having difficulty with the food, and being away from us. So, we made the decision to bring her home two weeks after my surgery. Now let me be clear… There was no way Mom would come home but for Richard’s willingness to help with her care. Mom also has a care giver that comes in 10 hours a week…She is AMAZING and Mom loves her dearly. So, between the three of us we have worked out a routine. This has allowed Mom to be back with us. For that… I am eternally grateful!!!
Mom Says, “There’s No Place Like Home!!!“
Then just as we thought things were about back to “Normal”, Hurricane Helene hit! Now, I have lived on the Gulf Coast most all my life. I have never experienced the effects of a hurricane on the coast like we did here in Tennessee with Helene. The aftermath was and continues to be devastating for so many in this area. The Doe River runs through our daughter and son-in-law’s property. Though it’s a small river, it is a force to be reckoned with when it floods!!!
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Though we were surrounded by devastation, we realized how incredibly blessed we were…All our family and their animals were not harmed!!!
After hurricane Helene, September, October, and November were dedicated to cleanup and continued healing. At my 8 week doctor’s visit I was released from the back brace. Then on the next visit I was released to ride on the motorcycle again.
Praise God…Just in time for Fall Foliage!!!
Then in Late November We Also Got Our 1st Snow!!!
The holidays were quiet for us. Brandi and Robi spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas with family in Texas. We definitely miss them when they’re away. Nevertheless, we do get to spend a lot of quality time with our Tennessee family and grand critters year round. WE LOVE THAT!!!
Well, that’s a wrap! 2024 is coming to a close and 2025 will be here in a couple of days. I guess the old saying stands true… “TIME FLIES WHEN YOUR HAVING FUN“
WE’VE HAD A BLAST IN 2024
and
FOR THAT WE EXPRESS OUR GRATITUDE!!!
Wishing Each and Everyone a Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year!
Decisions…Decisions…Everyday we are bombarded with decisions; from what to wear, what to eat, or what to do with our day. Heck, sometimes we have to decide what to do from minute to minute and don’t even have the luxury of planning a day. You get the picture…Right?
Well, this week I’ve been making arrangements for my mother’s care and have been inundated with decisions… I had to:
Decide on a Primary Care Physician
Decide on a Dentist from a long list of preferred providers
Decide on which pharmacy to use
Decide on a provider service
Decide on a Home Health Agency
I think you get my drift. Some decisions were easy for me and others were extremely difficult. I have no idea how our geriatric population navigates the healthcare system without a medically trained individual to help them. When I tell you it was difficult, I really mean…IT WAS A NIGHTMARE!!!
So as you can imagine, one evening when Richard asked me, “Hey Babe, what’s for dinner?” I just about lost it! My response was, “Please don’t make me decide. My brain hurts!”.
Yep, you guessed it! That man of mine jumped into action and not only decided; HE COOKED!!!
Now, I will say that not all decisions are difficult but everything we do begins with a decision. I recently heard that statement in a podcast and it caused me to pause. The pause…That’s an important component of processing for me. It’s that period of time when what you heard begins to really sink in.
And there it was, my “aha moment”. Oh my gosh…It’s my decision not my husband’s, not my mother’s, not my kid’s or grandkid’s!!! It’s my decision and I get to choose. Not only do I get to choose..I either celebrate or suffer the impact of my decision.
For example, in December of 2023 I made the decision to commit to a low carb/ high protein lifestyle. Now this was not a decision about weight loss but more about feeling better. It was also about mentally and emotionally releasing weight. To use the term weight loss would mean I lost something and I needed to find it but to release the weight was to let it go and not have to find or replace it.
So, committing to a low carb lifestyle was my first decision and since then, I have had to decide daily whether I would continue to honor my initial decision or would I make a different decision.
Either way…I GET to choose. Now you talk about EMPOWERING!!!
For a solid year without fail, daily I honored my decision to follow a low carb lifestyle. As a result, I have released 20 lbs. Some might say, “Only 20lbs?…That’s not much in a year!” Haha, to that I say, lug a 20 pound bag of potatoes everywhere you go and tell me it won’t make you tired!!!
Recently, I decided step out of my low carb lifestyle on 4 different occasions. While I didn’t add to my weight, I did suffer some consequences such as bloating, swelling, brain fog, and malaise. Yep, I chose to:
Eat what everyone else ate for Christmas
Eat the pizza that looked, smelled, and tasted delicious
Eat a piece of homemade Italian Cream Cake to celebrate Richard’s Birthday
Eat a piece of homemade Chocolate Cream Pie to celebrate Mother’s Birthday
Ok…Ok…Ok..
To be totally transparent Richard and my Mother’s Birthday’s are on the same day…YIKES!!!
As you’re reading this, I am sure you’re asking, “Lee Ann, Why on earth are you sharing all this?”.
Well, here it is in a nutshell…
You get to decide:
What’s best for your physical body
What’s best for your emotional wellbeing
What’s best for your Soul Spiritually
What people you want to associate with
What you want to be when you “grow up”
What kind of legacy you want to leave
My Friend…It All Starts With a Decision and You Get to Decide
PS: I’m writing this post sitting at the kitchen island while staring at the remainder of the Italian Cream Cake and I’ve decided to honor my 1st decision…No Cake for Me!!!
Yesterday in Get Your Head Out of The Clouds I shared how much I enjoy journaling. This year I bought the journal “Prayer Journal For Women”. It’s a 52 week scripture, devotional, and prayer journal and although I am on just week 1…I absolutely love it.
One of the things that makes this journal really special is the author encourages the reader to memorize scripture. Now, I don’t know about you but that has been a real challenge as of late. It seems my short term memory is not what it used to be. I could go on about that for days but will spare you the details and me the embarrassment…LOL
Now, I’m not gonna lie, I was a little disappointed with this week’s scripture. I was hoping for something uplifting and positive to start off the New Year. You know, a “feel good” scripture but that’s not what I got! I got an “OUCH scripture”…One that made me cringe!!! Not only did I cringe the 1st day but everyday this week as I have worked to commit the scripture to memory. I needed to do the memory work and reflect on how I would apply it to my daily life.
Have you ever had a time you spoke before you actually listened or became angry because you didn’t listen? Man oh man I sure have! In-fact, more times than I care to admit…Ugh!!!
There was one instance that remains vivid in my mind to this day! I was working as the Director of Nursing for a Skilled/ Long Term Care Facility. Each morning it was the expectation all department heads would attend a morning meeting to discuss upcoming events, review events of the previous 24hrs, and trouble shoot any challenges that needed to be resolved. On this particular morning I remember I was running late due to traffic caused by a wreck on the freeway. So, when I arrived to work, I had just enough time to print my report, gather my binder, and run out the door to Morning Meeting. The meeting had already started when I arrived. As I sat down, I glanced around the room and noticed I was the only one from the nursing department in attendance. I immediately grabbed my phone to see if I had any texts to explain why nursing leadership was not in attendance. There were no text. About that time the administrator looked over at me and asked where’s your team? I responded, I have no clue…No one communicated they wouldn’t be here. We went on with the meeting and as it came to a close, the assistant director of nursing came walking into the room with her purse and a coffee in hand. She asked, “what is the status of…”. Without missing a beat I flipped around and responded, “If you had shown up for Morning Meeting you would know!” I stood up, left the conference room, and went to my office.
As I walked into my office, I received a signal on my phone and text messages began to pour in. My heart sunk and I was sick to my stomach!!! She had sent a text explaining her delay. I immediately ran to her office to apologize. Needless to say, she was so angry and humiliated that she couldn’t even talk much less hear my apology. In-fact, she was so distraught she went straight to HR and lodged a formal complaint against me.
When I tell you I was sick…I mean I was SICK!!! Not about the complaint but because I had hurt her!!! If only, I had been quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger…the outcome would have been totally different!
I was completely devastated that I had screwed up so badly…I was embarrassed and broken!!!
Thank God, the Assistant Director of Nurses did finally allow me to explain and she did offer me forgiveness but it grieves me to know I caused her to be embarrassed in front of her peers and that I had spoken to her that way.
Do I wish I had handled things differently, perhaps asked more questions, or just sat in silence? Boy do I…That single encounter has taunted me to this day.
Did I learn from my mistake? I definitely did but at the expense of another.
Have I asked my Father for forgiveness? ABSOLUTELY!!!
While the Assistant Director of Nurses graciously extended forgiveness and my Father forgave me, this week I have had to dig deep and forgive myself. So, while I really was looking forward to a feel good scripture to start off the New Year…God provided me the scripture I needed to put the incident behind me and move forward by forgiving myself. He gave me the tool I needed not only to deal with the past but to move forward as a better version of me…filled with love and inner beauty.
I share my experience to encourage you to commit this scripture to heart and be:
QUICK TO LISTEN
SLOW TO SPEAK
SLOW TO ANGER
Dare I look ahead to see what I am going to have to work through this comming week…YIKES!!!
It is a beautiful morning here in Tennessee! I woke to the sound of rain and soft hum of wind chimes. When I looked out my bedroom window, my first thought was “Wow, the clouds are really low today”.
I made my way to the kitchen for my morning coffee to find Richard dressed in sweats and a jacket. I asked if it had snowed during the night and he said, “Nope, it’s too warm out there”. Seriously…It was a whopping 45 degrees!!! Warm for Tennessee but not for this Texas raised gal.
Now, I realize 45 degrees may not come again for a while so I scuttled off to our bedroom and got dressed…I didn’t want to miss coffee on the front porch with Richard!!!
As we sat in silence, drank our coffee and listened to the rain, I realized our view of the mountains across the way was limited. The clouds were lingering over the mountains. But, the longer we sat there the better we the view became. The clouds had begun to lift.
This view caused me to think about the saying, “Get Your Head Out of The Clouds”. I have heard that saying my entire life but this morning it took on a new meaning for me!!! How often is our vision “clouded” or we can’t see what’s right in front of us because we have a mental cloud of preconceived ideas, the mindset of we have always done it that way, or we are consumed with doubt and disbelief? How often have we blocked the blessings of God because we couldn’t “see” what He had for us, it had not manifested or we believed it to be impossible? I know for me, I have done this many times!!! Often, I would tend to gravitate to what I could see, taste, touch, hear or physically feel. Over the past year, I have learned that is a limiting belief. Not only limiting God but myself. That veil of doubt and disbelief is literally blinding us to all the possibilities He has for us.
For me, I have found journalling to be an incredible tool to document my heart’s desires, log all that God has done for me, the prayers He has answered, and the timeframe in which He answered. Journalling provides clarity and helps removes the cloud of doubt and disbelief. I also find journalling serves as an accountability partner for me.
Just as journalling blesses me, so does blogging. I look back at some of my entries and am reminded of what was on my mind and heart at a specific time. I find great joy in sharing my thoughts and even my life as I pray a glimmer of hope would be provided to someone who is hurting, struggling, or just wanting to expand their horizons.
Do I have all the answers…ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!
Have I been through some STUFF…ABSOLUTELY!!!
So, if there has been something I’ve been through that can save someone the heartache of trudging through the muck…You bet, I am going to share!!!
If you feel you have your heads in the clouds, just know this…You will be able to see clearly again!!!
Each year I wait patiently for God to give me a “Word For The Year”. I usually know what the word is by January 1st but this year that didn’t happen. Perhaps it was because I have been a little distracted during the year 2023.
2023 WAS A WHIRLWIND
2023 was one crazy hard year for me…I am chronicling it primarily for my benefit. I never want to forget what God carried us through nor do I want to ever fail to give Him the Glory for staying right by our side while going through it. Not all I went through is share worthy but I will just reiterate 2023 was one of the most difficult years of my life!!!
On January 1, 2023 our daughter and son-in-law left Texas and moved to Tennessee. Talk about hard…The longest I have ever been separated from Brandi were the times she would go on vacation and I knew she would return home and we would pick up where we left off. This experience was totally different; it was permanent!!! Although we knew she would come to visit and we would go there, it was an emotional rollercoaster for me. No more pop-in visits, no phone calls asking me to run errands, and it would no longer be a 15 minute drive to her house.
In February Brandi and Robi proposed the idea of us joining them in Tennessee. After a lot of discussion and planning, Robi chose a beautiful spot on the side of the mountain and Brandi designed a house for us.
In March we went on a family cruise. It was our 1st cruise and I was a nervous wreck on many levels…”What do I wear, how will I manage being away from mom that long, and most importantly; how the heck am I going to deal with not being able to see land?”!!! Well, let me just say, it was an AMAZING trip!!! All my anxieties left once I was surrounded by my kids, grandkids, and great grandkids. In addition, Richard and I were able to relax and enjoy some much needed alone time which is so important to us and our relationship.
Upon our return from the cruise we knew we had just under 9 months before we would move. Richard’s last day of work would be December 1, 2023 which was a Friday and we scheduled 2 full size Penske trucks and a team of movers for December 4th the following Monday. Then it was on to the daunting task of trying to determine what to take with us and what to get rid of. In addition to our household items, I had a shed full of projects I was actively working on or had completed to sell and oh my gosh was that hard!!! It wasn’t cleaning out the shed that was difficult but having to do it in temperatures that were in the triple digits. Now that almost killed me!!!
Meanwhile, while trying to downsize and pack, I was also caring for my mother, taking her to medical appointments, consolidating 2 households, and coordinating the sell of her home. Let me just say, none of which were easy!!! My heart was heavy for my Mom, she had lost her husband, her mobility, her independence, and now she was having to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions associated with settling her estate. Let me take this opportunity to advise (free of charge of course) those couples with blended families to run not walk to an attorney’s office and draw up a will. This is to protect the surviving spouse both financially and emotionally. Very long story short, it took over a year working with a lawyer and a lot of prayer to get Mom’s estate settled.
Now, selling our home was nowhere near as complicated!!! On a Sunday afternoon early August, Richard purchased a “For Sale By Owner” sign and stuck it in the front yard. On Monday morning he got a call and set up an appointment for a couple to come by and look at the house. When they arrived on Monday we were very transparent and let them know we would not be moving until December. By Thursday of that same week we had an executed contract, they agreed to allow us to remain in the house until December, and closed on August 25th. People…THAT WAS GOD!!!
Labor Day week we flew to Tennessee and witness first hand some of the construction on our house. We were able to see color choices, cabinetry, tile, granite, and flooring. We were blown away by all the work Brandi had done!!! She really could have her own show on HGTV…She is just that good at home design!
On October 13th we left West Columbia pulling Richard’s utility trailer loaded down with the fire pit, BBQ pit/smoker, and zero radius mower. We were taking a load of outdoor things to Tennessee as we knew those were the things that would not fit on the Penske trucks. We really enjoyed our visit in Tennessee but were anxious to return to Texas as we had sooo much to do to get ready for the move.
Once we returned home it was on like Donkey Kong…Packing was our focus! Thank goodness the temperatures were cooler and Mom was able to sit outside and talk with me while I worked. She even was able to pitch in and help wrap dishes and perform other tasks that were not too strenuous for her.
December 1st was finally here…Richard’s last day at work!!! I was so excited for him…He would experience a kind of freedom he had not known since before we were married. Sounds good but remember, the Penske trucks and movers would arrive on Monday. So now, Richard was working harder than ever and he was also experiencing the stress of the actual move…Loading the trucks, would it all fit, the drive, the stress of knowing Mom and I would be driving up separately. The greatest stress however was not knowing if the house would be completed by the time we arrived in Tennessee. So, without knowing for sure he scheduled the movers to unload us on December the 8th.
December 4th, mom and I set out together our brand new all wheel drive Honda Passport headed to Tennessee. We wanted to leave before Richard and Robi (who graciously flew down to drive one of the Penske trucks back for us) so we could stay ahead of them. Then if we ran into any issues they would be headed our way and not have to double back for us. We were so excited…We were headed out for the trip of a lifetime. Mom couldn’t wait to see the mountains!!! We made it to Baytown traveling on I-10 when a huge piece of sheet metal flew under the car. Yep, you guessed it…We were literally dragging metal down the road. I pulled over at a sand pit, went up to one of those huge dump trucks, and asked the driver to help me figure out what to do. He was so kind and advised me to put the car in reverse and he guided me until the metal dislodged. I thanked him and we were off again…That is until I reached 35mph and the worst grinding noise was heard coming out from under the car. Well, my God is sooo good…I looked up and at the next exit would you believe there was a Honda dealership!!! It took them about 1.5hrs to make the needed repair and then we were back on the road again. I told Mom, I had to believe it was God’s hand of protection that prevented us from being involved in a catastrophic event further down the road.
Just outside of Chattanooga TN the guys met up with us and we all caravanned the remaining stretch of the trip. We arrived the evening of the December 5th and woke to snow the morning of December 6th. It was absolutely stunning to see everything covered in white and the peace I had craved the entire year of 2023 fell over me. That’s when I knew I was home and the struggles I had endured in 2023 were so worth the reward.
December 8th we received the certificate of occupancy from the inspector that morning and the movers arrived soon after to move us up the mountain. Whew…what a day!!! Boxes and furniture were flying off the trucks faster than I could tell them where to put them. By the end of the day the beds were set up, couches in place, and we were surrounded by wall to wall boxes.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! How do you unpack a house? One box at a time! So, for 12hrs a day 7 days straight, I unpacked, hung pictures, hung curtains, arranged furniture and move each box at least 4-5 times. Richard helped as he could but had his own list of things that had to be done such as returning the moving trucks, buying groceries, going to the post office, and running errands for me as I needed things. It was a mad rush to get things settle as our grandsons and their families were coming for Christmas on the 16th.
Christmas with our family was amazing. It definitely goes down as a Christmas I will never forget!!! Mom was in heaven! She was surrounded by little ones…She loves babies!!!
Though the house is finished on the inside the exterior work was far from done. It was really important to have a retaining wall errected to prevent a landslide and wiping us off the mountain all together. So, it has been a constant beeping of the Excavator and Bobcat backing up, vehicles moving up and down the mountain, hammering, and having a driveway that’s been inaccessible but so worth it for our safety and peace of mind.
Now, all that to explain what I meant by the comment, “I’ve been a little distracted”. This week I have finally been able to find some time to be alone and focus on the journey over the past year and process some of the emotions that have bombarded my nervous system. I have had time to read my Bible, journal, and pray. I have had time to express my gratitude to God for all He has done for me and my family. Wait…There it is!!! My word for 2024
Gratitude: When you feel thankful for the good things in your life. This could be stuff people often take for granted, like having a place to live, food, clean water, friends, and family. Gratitude is taking a moment to reflect on how lucky you are when something good happens, whether it’s small or big.
I have so much to be thankful for…I could not even begin to list them all. Every morning I open my eyes my first thoughts are those of gratitude. I have also learned if I remain in a state of gratitude it is impossible to turn my thoughts to the negativity that constantly tries to worm into my life.
Give it a try…Stay in a state of gratitude for a few minutes, then a few hours, and finally all day…Every Day!
A Love Lee Place 