Until you learn how to say “no” you will never be able to fully say “yes”.
Unless you know how to set boundaries to form your safe space, you will always be concerned that saying “yes” might put you in danger. So you will always pull back a little from saying “yes” with your whole heart. Paradoxically, knowing how to say “no” ans to form boundaries gives much more power to your “yes”
I have spent most of my life doing what everyone expected me to do rather than those things I felt were right for me; things that brought a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment to my life. Seeking approval, trying to fit in, or promoting peace and harmony often guided my decisions or determined my actions. Rather than drawing from that sense of oughtness that dwells deep within, I would do whatever I was asked in order to obtain the “atta girl”.
There were times in my life I would have given my right arm to have the approval of others. Thank goodness, the approval of the “good” crowd meant more to me than the approval of the “bad” crowd. Otherwise, my life might have taken a very negative turn. Being an over achiever I have often gone above and beyond to obtain the approval of people who sought me and my company only for the information I could provide or the work I could produce. That which they needed from me to make themselves look good. Therefore, even the “good” crowd had an agenda!
Trying to Fit In:
Everyone on the face of the earth has the desire to fit in…to belong! Oh the times I laughed at jokes I didn’t find humorous or the times I agreed with the crowed or group just to fit in. Wanting desperately to be one of the gang only to find I never really did…The “lunch bunch”, “girls shopping club” , “movie gang” or the weekend trips but, wait what takes place during those outings, what is discussed, or what do they represent?
Promoting Peace and Harmony:
Oh the times I caved just to keep peace! The times I stopped short of the goal…all for the sake of peace and harmony! Backing down or dropping the subject just because the conversation becomes uncomfortable or the other person kicks into a passive aggressive mode. Peace at all costs or is that peace at my cost?
God revealed to me through the book “Boundaries” that by establishing boundaries in my life the outcome has eternal value. I now seek God’s approval over the approval of others therefore, I am no longer responsible for others happiness or success. As for fitting in, I have discovered God’s protection on my reputation and integrity because I don’t fit into certain crowds. And finally, standing up for what is right and good brings all peace and harmony over my life.
While setting boundaries is not a perfected art for me…I am much better at it than I was 10 years ago!Knowing I am able to set boundaries, choose my battles, and stand for what is right at all cost gives me the assurance I have the approval of my Father, I fit in with Him, and His peace and harmony floods my being.
To learn more on how you too can learn to set boundaries I recommend the book “Boundaries” for you!