Yesterday in Get Your Head Out of The Clouds I shared how much I enjoy journaling. This year I bought the journal “Prayer Journal For Women”. It’s a 52 week scripture, devotional, and prayer journal and although I am on just week 1…I absolutely love it.

One of the things that makes this journal really special is the author encourages the reader to memorize scripture. Now, I don’t know about you but that has been a real challenge as of late. It seems my short term memory is not what it used to be. I could go on about that for days but will spare you the details and me the embarrassment…LOL

Now, I’m not gonna lie, I was a little disappointed with this week’s scripture. I was hoping for something uplifting and positive to start off the New Year. You know, a “feel good” scripture but that’s not what I got! I got an “OUCH scripture”…One that made me cringe!!! Not only did I cringe the 1st day but everyday this week as I have worked to commit the scripture to memory. I needed to do the memory work and reflect on how I would apply it to my daily life.

Have you ever had a time you spoke before you actually listened or became angry because you didn’t listen? Man oh man I sure have! In-fact, more times than I care to admit…Ugh!!!

There was one instance that remains vivid in my mind to this day! I was working as the Director of Nursing for a Skilled/ Long Term Care Facility. Each morning it was the expectation all department heads would attend a morning meeting to discuss upcoming events, review events of the previous 24hrs, and trouble shoot any challenges that needed to be resolved. On this particular morning I remember I was running late due to traffic caused by a wreck on the freeway. So, when I arrived to work, I had just enough time to print my report, gather my binder, and run out the door to Morning Meeting. The meeting had already started when I arrived. As I sat down, I glanced around the room and noticed I was the only one from the nursing department in attendance. I immediately grabbed my phone to see if I had any texts to explain why nursing leadership was not in attendance. There were no text. About that time the administrator looked over at me and asked where’s your team? I responded, I have no clue…No one communicated they wouldn’t be here. We went on with the meeting and as it came to a close, the assistant director of nursing came walking into the room with her purse and a coffee in hand. She asked, “what is the status of…”. Without missing a beat I flipped around and responded, “If you had shown up for Morning Meeting you would know!” I stood up, left the conference room, and went to my office.

As I walked into my office, I received a signal on my phone and text messages began to pour in. My heart sunk and I was sick to my stomach!!! She had sent a text explaining her delay. I immediately ran to her office to apologize. Needless to say, she was so angry and humiliated that she couldn’t even talk much less hear my apology. In-fact, she was so distraught she went straight to HR and lodged a formal complaint against me.

When I tell you I was sick…I mean I was SICK!!! Not about the complaint but because I had hurt her!!! If only, I had been quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger…the outcome would have been totally different!

I was completely devastated that I had screwed up so badly…I was embarrassed and broken!!!

Thank God, the Assistant Director of Nurses did finally allow me to explain and she did offer me forgiveness but it grieves me to know I caused her to be embarrassed in front of her peers and that I had spoken to her that way.

Do I wish I had handled things differently, perhaps asked more questions, or just sat in silence? Boy do I…That single encounter has taunted me to this day.

Did I learn from my mistake? I definitely did but at the expense of another.

Have I asked my Father for forgiveness? ABSOLUTELY!!!

While the Assistant Director of Nurses graciously extended forgiveness and my Father forgave me, this week I have had to dig deep and forgive myself. So, while I really was looking forward to a feel good scripture to start off the New Year…God provided me the scripture I needed to put the incident behind me and move forward by forgiving myself. He gave me the tool I needed not only to deal with the past but to move forward as a better version of me…filled with love and inner beauty.

I share my experience to encourage you to commit this scripture to heart and be:

QUICK TO LISTEN

SLOW TO SPEAK

SLOW TO ANGER

Dare I look ahead to see what I am going to have to work through this comming week…YIKES!!!

Here’s to Growth…Have a Wonderful Week Everyone!